Jen jots polkadots

Collecting November

2011-11-22T11:55:00.000-08:00

I started a special jar for the beach glass I collect in November. It wasn't originally on purpose, as it just is time to start a new jar on the windowsill. November beach glass, though, reminds me of hope.

November beach glass is especially precious, as it only gets collected when the storms pass. Each little gem I find is a day that the rain stopped long enough for a beach walk. A sliver of time to be savored. A moment to be enjoyed. A jeweled reminder that, yes, even though it may take time, patience, and perseverance, the sun will come out eventually.

Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5b

Some homework...

2011-11-21T11:15:00.000-08:00

Keelin called me over to help her with her math homework.

If there's one thing she doesn't like, it is asking for someone to help her with anything. Ever since she was six months old sitting in her highchair at mealtime, she wanted to hold the spoon by herself. She couldn't talk then, but everything in her said, "I can do it MYSELF, Mom!" I knew this was the way things would be with her. It's best not to fight it. Eight years of experience, I know if she asks for help, she has exhausted every other means of doing it her way.

I read her the instructions over with the example they gave in her book, and I could tell she was more frustrated than when I first sat down with her.

She abruptly sent me away. Angry she had to ask me in the first place, she put her head back down and started counting with her pencil. A little while later,

"Is this right, Mommy?"

I sat back down and read what she came up with. It's not. "Um, well, you're on the right...." She knows too well when I am trying to soften the blow. She's not fooled one bit.

"UGGGGGH!" She interrupted.

I began to recall several scenes where I was the frustrated eight year old, or twelve year old or sixteen year old that looked very similar to the one I was witnessing in my child. I really felt for her.

I wanted so much to just say, "Here, I know it's hard, let me just finish this for you." I know that's what I wanted when I was a kid. I know that's what she was trying to get at just then.

I couldn't. I can't. How would she learn? How would the next assignment go if she didn't do this one? Oh, it's so hard to watch the one you love struggle through something that you know in the end will be good for them.

God must think that all the time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

~1 Peter 1:6-7

A future review....

2011-09-03T00:14:00.000-07:00

Hoping to have a chance to review this book soon... if you read it first, let me know!

http://tinyurl.com/3dmtgs4

A perfekt post...

2011-08-24T22:03:00.000-07:00

I am working on building myself as a freelance writer. In addition, I have a new job contracting web content for a website development company. I think it's pretty fun writing websites. It's pretty neat to see my words serving to build a buzz about someone's business. However, now it's time to write my new website, and I am having the toughest time! I feel so much pressure to have each word just so, so as to best represent myself as a writer. After all, if you're going to read anyone's copy on their website, it's the writer-you're-going-to-hire's website, right?

I started writing a few days ago, and rewrote and reworked it off in google docs. Not precisely happy with the content, tried cutting and pasting the text around and around. Rearranging proved unsuccessful, so I decided to start afresh. It was late at night, and I was feeling such pressure to be perfect. Thought the only way to get over that would be to just start writing, without thinking about it, just write who I am and what I have to offer. I wrote a good couple paragraphs. Satisfied with the copious amount of content I had poured out, I read it over. It was completely incoherent.

*Select all*

*Delete*

Went to sleep. Re-hired myself in the morning.

Perfectionism is a killer. Mostly because it's an impossible dream. Nothing I could write could ever satisfy everyone to the utmost every single time. And not just writing, but it applies to everything. I could really spend forever trying to be perfect, but I'd never reach it. Thankfully, my Savior is perfect. To the utmost. Every time. When He promises something, it's a go. When He acts, it's perfect. When He doesn't, that's perfect, too. But where I fall short, my Jesus, He's got me covered. He is the one who gives me perfect grace to overcome my imperfection. To give me forgiveness for my shortcomings. He is the One who lets me rest in perfect peace when I feel frustrated in incoherence or when I try too hard. When I am weak, He is strong.

He is the One who loves me perfectly, even when I am not.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Momentum

2011-08-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

August 11, 2011 (Happy Birthday, Dad!)

When I first started writing this blog, I really liked posting at least twice a week. I felt so much inspiration to post, and the words just flowed. As I took a beach walk or went for a run, the words would flow through my brain, and I couldn't wait to sit down and post them. (Well, mostly just sit down, after a run!) Other days, I'd have to take my shower quickly, so that I wouldn't forget what my thought was to jot down.

Because my blog gave me confidence in my writing, I started focusing on writing my book. When I'd go think, it would be about what to put into my book, and not focusing on the polkadots of what God's been doing in my life. It's not that they didn't exist, I just got out of the habit of running to my computer to blog when inspiration hit. I'd have this mental blog of a dozen posts. After a while, though, I stopped noticing the polkadots.

Also, too, I got a job. I started doing some freelance writing for a friend, doing press releases, which led to working for a website development company as their creative writer, writing website copy and marketing materials and such. We'll see how that works out. Right now, I am not too confident in them, haven't seen any real work yet, but they've promised me a website at the least. So, hopefully, I will be able to build a website and get some freelance writing work. My real love is this blog and the book, which hopefully will be done sooner than later. I am hoping that the writing gig will help give me momentum to keep going and plug some of this writing energy into my book.

I have really recognized how important polkadots are to me. God-focused thoughts are essential to spiritual well-being, and I know I've not been spiritually well lately. Just dwelling in me-thoughts are not beneficial to my family or me. I go from getting discouraged and growly when things aren't the way they "should be" in my estimation to getting a dose of pride, and over-value myself and think things are unjust when they aren't the way they "should be." Anywhere on this spectrum I've been living lately. It's when I get away from doing it all myself, to focus on what God has done and is doing for me, is when real growth and inspiration happens. It's where I am most happy. I haven't been in Bible study all summer, either, so I've been really out of His Word. Not a great place. Life works so much better when Jen revolves around the Son, instead of the universe revolving around me.

All summer, Keelin and I have been continuing to work on building our beach glass collection. If you've been a long-time reader, you know about my beach glass posts. God has been giving me some new thoughts about the little jewels of the shore, so I hope to post them soon. I really believe that God has a plan for me and my writing. Don't exactly know in what form it will take, but I am looking forward to what He has in store. I just know that I have to be responsive to the momentum.

I know, O LORD, that a man's way is not in himself, Nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps. Jeremiah 10:23

I Love Lucy

2011-04-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

We came back from California with a puppy.

I know. Me. The cat person. But I can't help it. I love my puppy. She's a cute little 4 1/2 month old beagle/chihuahua that we rescued from the animal shelter in LA. I just saw her picture on the internet, and had to go get her.

She's so adorable... she has all these facial expressions and a head tilt whenever she's curious or learning something.

She's learned quite a lot since coming here from California:

Worms are not sticks.

Sometimes in Canada, the grass is cold and crunchy in the morning. Weird.

Cats are not always interested in playing with me.

Here's what I've learned:

A short leash is safer.

It turns out, that if I keep a short leash on Lucy, she stays out of a lot of trouble. She doesn't wander into the paths of cars or the kids' bikes, or eat things off the ground that she shouldn't.

I don't hold the leash taut short, but loosely short, so that she walks beside me. I don't let her lead. She's not in charge. I am. When she gets scared of the trash truck, I can walk in front, and she trusts that I am not leading her into danger. When she's approached by another dog, I can judge whether the situation is safe for her or not.

If I were to keep her off leash all the time, she'd get into loads of trouble. She'd be in the bushes chasing rabbits, in neighbor's trash cans, in backyards, in the street with cars coming. A leash is designed to establish boundaries, while allowing the wearer to still have freedom of being outdoors. I do allow her to explore, follow her nose, but on the leash I can steer her away from harm. I let her off leash at the beach, and we walk in a certain direction, but never, never do I leave her alone!

"If you walk in My ways, keeping My statutes and commandments, as your father David walked, then I will prolong your days." 1 Kings 3:14

update :)

2011-02-22T19:23:00.000-08:00

February 22, 2011

Talked via Facebook with my mom this afternoon... you know that protection I prayed over for them (see my previous post)? Well, turns out they had just left the Christchurch cathedral (JUST left, my sister-in-law actually saw the tower of the church collapse) and walked across the square and into a shop, when the ground started shaking. What she said gave me chills-- she said that the store was full of glass shelves that all collapsed, and everything fell around them, and my dad's chair tipped over... BUT... they left the store without a scratch.

God is good.

"For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken," Says the LORD who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

All...

2011-02-21T22:53:00.001-08:00

February 21, 2011

My parents, my brother, sister-in-law and one-year old nephew are visiting in Christchurch, New Zealand today. I got a half a text just after Bible study ended tonight from my mom, which read, "In christchurch 6.3 quake. All"

"All " what?

It was interesting because I had just finished praying while we were closing our study for the night, and I was saying, "Thank you, God, for being in New Zealand today, and I pray for my family's protection there. Nothing in all creation is hidden from Your sight. Be with them." And I didn't know what had just happened. Ten minutes later, while I was tidying the room, I got the text.

I praise Him that He gave me the words to that prayer before I knew I needed to pray it.

I praise Him that He answered my prayers before I knew I needed to pray it.

I am so thankful for their safety. And now that I know that I need to pray, I will! And I will continue to praise Him---

He is All mighty.

He is All powerful.

He is All wonderful.

He is All I need.

...for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Matthew 6:8b

(they're okay, staying in a park as they can't get back to their hotel.)

Skiing instructor...

2011-02-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Candan's class is skiing today, and I am writing from the lodge here at Mt. Washington. I am not skiing, though, every bone and muscle in my body except for those in my lower back are crying for me to snap on some skis and go fly down a run.

I wanted to come because Candan's never skied before. I was concerned, because ski renting is daunting. Ski boots are difficult. Standing at the top and looking down at all that's below you can be scary.

I was explaining how I really felt I wanted to go up the hill to Candan, saying, because, "if you don't have proper fitting boots that are nice and snug, you'll be miserable and out of control." Brad replied to Candan...."and if you don't let your mom come, she'll be miserable and out of control."

True.

It's just there are so many details and things to learn about skiing. What the tricks to keeping warm are, how to get on a chairlift efficiently, what the proper etiquette on the hill is, and all that. And I have to sit in the lodge and watch my baby go fend for himself. (There are lots of skiing parents out there, and he had a lesson in the morning.)

I just saw Candan for the first time go skiing down the hill, and he's amazing. He's only fallen once in four hours, and he's blazing down the hill with his buddy who is doing a great job too. I am so proud of them. I have a huge lump in my throat thinking about it.

My parents, largely, save for a few lessons, taught me all about skiing. And I used to be a really great skier until my back problems started. But I remember so much of what they taught me, and I wanted so much to pass those same things on down to my kids. It just seems an important thing to do.

It was hard to see him buckle his boots and lock them into his bindings without teaching him every last nugget about the sport of skiing before I launched him off. I knew he was going straight to a lesson, but me teaching him myself would ensure he'd know everything I wanted him to know. I wanted to be sure he's well equipped for any hill he'd face.

And the same goes for beyond the ski hill.

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with allyour might. 6 "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 " You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. 8 "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead .

Book review: Christmas at Harrington's

2010-12-30T22:15:00.000-08:00

I absolutely can't stand when I get interrupted at the best part of the book.

I was reading this book on the ferry, and it was time to go back to my car to disembark. But as I moved myself back down the stairs and onto the car deck, my mind was still completely entranced and wrapped up in the scene Melody Carlson transported me to in New Haven, Minnesota.

Carlson, in her book, Christmas at Harrington's, tells the story of a woman who is looking for a fresh start and a new life. We join Lena, once a pastor's wife, falsely convicted of a crime which devastated her, her parents, and her church congregation, as she gets her prison release papers and a bus ticket to a new town. On the bus, she meets a woman who engages Lena in conversation and befriends her, and helps Lena with a meal and new clothes on her new start. One of the things she gave Lena was a red coat with fur trim. This coat spurs her to be hired by the town's struggling department store, Harrington's, as Mrs. Santa Claus. Her job would make her somewhat of the town's celebrity, but her past can't seem to stay in the past.

Carlson tells such a rich story. The story spans such a small snapshot of time, just a Christmas season, but she spends her time on developing extremely colorful, descriptive scenes, and extraordinary characters who affect our main character's ability to seek a new life. Some show exceptional mercy, engaging Lena beyond what she could imagine she could deserve. Others allow Lena to show love to them, so that we see what kind of woman Lena really is. Others show skepticism, suspicion, and unforgiveness for a crime she must have committed. Carlson takes us through Lena's season of adapting, making friends, and helping others realize what the gift of the Christmas season really is all about.

I just love Carlson's style. I read her book, The Christmas Dog, last year. I thoroughly enjoy her ability to just give us a vignette of a small town Christmas season, this time with a very unlikely, but very likable, main character, as she discovers herself, finds hope, and gives the hope of Christmas to others. It's the kind of story I love to get lost in and read all in one sitting from beginning to end.

If only the ferry was fifteen pages longer.

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T20:55:00.000-08:00

Keelin's drawing :)

In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid ; for behold, I bringyou good news of great joy which will be for all the people ; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:8-11

Watch the fireworks...

2010-12-24T22:20:00.000-08:00

My mom and the kids and I went to Disneyland last Thursday. So did everyone else, it seemed. It had rained and rained the days before, so when the sun came out, everyone in Southern California headed for the Land of Mouse to see all the Christmas decorations in the way that only Disney can do.

We go to Disneyland a lot. And we don't normally stop to watch things like the parades, or fireworks, or things like that. Ask Candan when the best time to ride the Matterhorn is-- when the fireworks are on, of course! The lines are short. We often seem to time things badly, too, when we want to go from a place to place at certain times of night, there's usually a long route around everyone is funneled to a small pathway behind all the parade watchers, and you have to walk fast, and hang on to your family, and get someone's stroller shoved up the back of your ankle while you're weaving through the sea of people to get through Main Street.

This time, we'd sat down to a late-ish dinner at one of the outdoor cafes. (dinner outdoors at 8pm in December-- I've finally realized what an amazing thing this is!) We had perfect seating at the end of our meal for the 8:30 Christmas fireworks show. We stuck around, and oh, it was beautiful and moving...and magical.

On December 23rd, it's easy to get caught in swarms of people.

This Christmas, stop and watch the magic.

And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. Luke 2:18-19

My favorite thing overheard at Disneyland, a young boy asking, "Hey, Dad, can we go on that Indiana Jonas ride?" There's definitely a generation gap between Indiana Jones watchers and Jonas Brothers fans. :)

Book review: The Grace of God

2010-12-01T16:19:00.001-08:00

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! Second Corinthians 9:15

The apostle Paul calls grace "indescribable," but Andy Stanley comes awfully close! Stanley's book, The Grace of God, is a wonderful examination of many of the Bible's stories through the lens of God's grace.

Grace, Stanley defines, is unearned, undeserved favor. Throughout the book, we follow figures such as Jonah, Joseph, and David and how God lavished grace upon them despite themselves. We see how God's creation is an act of grace. That His law was meant as an extension of His grace. And that the kingdom of heaven is unfair. Grace, Stanley explains, is better than fair.

I loved this book. I want everyone I know to read it. I want everyone I don't know to read it. This book so clearly, so simply illustrates God's purpose of grace. Why He extended the hand of relationship to us in the first place, why He wants the best for us, and why our freedom is important to Him. I especially loved his clear explanation of how God's saving grace is better and fairer than systems we've devised to earn our way into heaven. It's better, Stanley says, because:

everybody is invited.
everybody gets in the same way.
everybody can meet the requirement.

Everyone needs to know that.

"Book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available October 2010 at your favourite bookseller.

5 points...

2010-11-26T12:04:00.000-08:00

She already had a tiny hole in the knee of her jeans, but the slip and fall in the gym made it a little bigger. Keelin began to cry as her class huddled around her. Her teacher sent her and a couple of good buddies to the bathroom to get a wet towel to put on her knee, and to wash her teary face.

Back in the classroom, her teacher rewarded the class for being so kind to Keelin and for taking good care of her. Her teacher gave them five classroom points, just the number of points they needed to earn their class a party.

Keelin told her teacher after school, “Boy, I didn’t know something so bad could turn out to be so good.”

My dear sweet Keelin, that is just how God rolls, too.

The LORD sustains all who fall And raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

Book review: City on Our Knees, TobyMac

2010-10-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

Inspired by his song by the same name, TobyMac expands on his theme that together God's people can be unified, edified, and able. His book is a compilation of stories of people stepping out or stepping up beyond themselves and effecting the world in a myriad of ways.

In compiling these stories, TobyMac demonstrates how the body of Christ works, and how it works best. When we're together, we can change the world. Some stories are about small actions, some are larger, but in every case the reader can see how God's people are moving.

I love reading stories about believers. Heroes of the faith. TobyMac makes heroes out of people I could be. And I am encouraged completely and brought to tears by so many of the amazing things that ordinary (for lack of a better word) men, women, children did and are doing in changing eternities and ways of life for people in their neighborhood or for people in our global neighborhood.

I found it clever how seemingly unrelated stories are bound together and interwoven as a whole, and how as a reader I was allowed to pray in response to what I've read, and join God's work in all He's doing in this way. I feel encouraged that as a part of the body of Christ that I can be and I can go beyond my own self to make a difference for Him. TobyMac challenges the believer to step out, "step across the line", to make a difference, "here" and "now," and builds a vision of what the world could be if we keep God as our focus, depend on Him, as we change lives and hearts for Him.

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.

Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

It's a good thing he was wearing a red shirt.

2010-10-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

I was late, but I wasn’t worried about it.

What a beautiful sunny morning, I thought, as I meandered down the road on the way to morning Bible study.

Almost there, just down the hill.

The sun was shining in my face just above the trees. Sometimes, depending on the curve of the road, it would flash into my eyes.

That’s when I saw the pedestrian.

He’d stepped out onto the road from the opposite side and was in front of a tree which was shading him. I only saw him because the shadow ended half way across the street, and his bright red shirt came into view in the sunlight on my side of the road. I swerved and missed him. Thank God.

He kept walking without so much as missing a step. Not even a curse at me. I think he had a good song on on his iPod.

Got to church, and sat in the parking lot, shaking from my adrenalin rush. I sat to breathe and thank God for letting me stop in time. When I went inside, still shaking, I shared what had just happened in the car.

After Bible study, two of us ladies had lunch plans. I was to follow her in the car on the way to the restaurant.

I got into my car, and sat at the steering wheel, questioning my abilities. Can I do this safely? What if...?

I followed my friend, retracing my drive from the morning. I felt so much better with her in front of me. Not quite in the same spot, but almost, my friend stopped in the middle of the road. I saw her stop, and I did too. A deer and her two fawns crossed the road in front of her car.

When we got to where we were going, we both laughed at the beautiful illustration God gave us of what happens when you let someone you trust go before you.

The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

We're rich!

2010-09-24T16:21:00.000-07:00

Keelin has a friend over who just exclaimed, "You go to church EVERY week? You must be rich!"

Keelin replied, "It's free to get in."

Friend, "Ohhh..."

But actually, yes. Yes we are. Very rich.

to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us. Ephesians 1:6-8

Book Review: Outlive Your Life

2010-08-26T20:45:00.001-07:00

It's book review time again! :)

Max Lucado celebrates twenty-five years of writing with the release of his newest book, Outlive Your Life. In it, Lucado challenges the reader with the notion that as believers we were created to live lives of significance. A life of significance, he defines, as one which effect change in others. To make a difference in the world.

I read the first few chapters with a lump in my throat. I was almost overwhelmed by his statistics. The vast number of people suffering around the world is truly daunting. I had a hard time processing the weight of the information, but was thankful that at the end of each chapter, Lucado has placed prayers, allowing the reader an outlet of action for all the emotion he stirs up.

His book makes the reader uncomfortable. On purpose. His work is a call to believers to step up. All believers. Every believer. And God has equipped us to do just that. Lucado states, "Ours is the wealthiest generation of Christians ever... we have enough food to feed the hungry... God has given this generation, our generation, everything we need to alter the course of human suffering." (pg 5)

He uses biblical examples from the book of Acts to show how God calls ordinary people to do great things to make a difference for His kingdom. He then gives modern examples of ordinary people doing the same, practicalizing (if I can make up a word) the act of acting on our call to move.

While it is a daunting task to think of alleviating world suffering, Lucado makes clear this message: "None of us can do everything. But all of us can help someone." (pg. 151) I needed to read that, especially at the huge weight dropped on me at the beginning of the book. Even small actions, Lucado illustrates, can make a Kingdom difference even if we never do see the fruit of our action in our lifetimes. I found that encouraging.

Truthfully, it's not my favorite of Max Lucado's books, but I am wondering if it's not just because world poverty isn't one of my favorite topics. I deeply appreciate all that he challenges the reader to do, that is, to act (at the end is a "Discussion and Action Guide"), and to most of all, let God be involved in and the motivation for action. I think it is good to get out of one's comfort zone and get a little uncomfortable. And go make a difference.

"Book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available September 2010 at your favourite bookseller.

a thought from my beach chair...

2010-08-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

I love my beach chair.

I brought it up when I moved up from California, and I am so glad I did, because I haven't seen one exactly like it here. I love its low profile, its high back, and the fact that it reclines at four places, and can go all the way back so I can lay flat on my back if I want, I but never do because I am always watching kids, and being flat on my back is not conducive to such a thing.

Anyways, I was sitting today on my beach chair at a very low tide with the kids. I sat reclined at the first stop that the armrest has, as I watched Candan take his first ride on his new skim board that he got for his tenth birthday a couple weeks ago. I watched as Keelin jumped over the little waves that crashed on the shore.

We built sandcastles around my beach chair, too, for a little break from all the playing in the water.

I had a moment in that beach chair today when I was thinking about this season that we're in-- summer, and how it seems, according to the displays in the stores, that things are changing. Fall is coming. I saw it on TV, too. Preseason football. Sadly, summer won't last much longer!

I thought about how sitting in my cute new suit on the beach in my chair is appropriate, in this part of the world, anyway, in the summertime. How weird would it be to sit on the beach in November, or January, or even April? But yet, it was totally appropriate today. Today was made for sitting on a beach.

The Bible says that there is a season for everything under heaven.

²A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
³A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
⁴A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
⁵A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
⁶A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
⁷A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
⁸A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace. ~Ecclesiastes 3:2-8

I was thinking of how in certain seasons, we try too hard on our own strength to be a certain way about something, even though the proper act is something completely different, because it's somehow expected. Do we have pressure to put on a brave face, even though tears are completely warranted in a situation? Do we have pressure to be happy when the circumstances call for sadness? Do we answer "fine" when it's not at all "fine"?

There are times when God comforts us through something where we have the peace that passes all understanding. There are times when it's God's strength that's pulling us through a seemingly impossible season. But that's not what I am talking about. What I mean is when we totally feel one way and act another. When we try to look the part. And, you know what that feels like?

Like sitting in beach chair in January.

God's word says that it's okay to cry when we need to. Jesus wept. It's okay to be sad about losing someone or something. It's okay to laugh. There is a season for everything under heaven. When it's August, play on the beach! When it's January, carry an umbrella. It's okay. Today was made for it.

The good thing about seasons, is that they're always changing. And there's good things to look forward to. Even the end of summer brings football in the fall. :)

Weeping may last for a night, but Your joy comes in the morning....You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever. --Psalm 30:5b, 11-12

1401

2010-06-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

We got there early so she could get her numbers written in black Sharpie marker on her arms and on her back. 1401. We pinned her number to her t-shirt, then folded her shirt, and set it down outside on her towel, set up beside her bike. Running shoes close by.

Keelin was in her first triathlon last Sunday. She was so great! She did such an amazing job, and we're so proud of her. She learned to ride her bike without training wheels just so she could enter the race. She and several schoolmates trained for weeks for the event. They'd run every Tuesday, swim on Thursdays, and bike on Fridays. They had a sports nutritionist come in and give them a talk on what they should eat. I know she was listening, because one morning, she looked at the bread I'd just taken out of the bread machine, and asked, "Mom, that IS whole grain, isn't it?"

The night before her race, we were careful to feed her properly so she'd have energy for the race. We paid close attention to her breakfast that morning, and made sure she'd had enough water. We became quite aware that food is energy.

Right before her race, she turned to me, and told me she was hungry. Uh oh. She wasn't interested in the one kind of granola bar I'd brought. We borrowed some almonds. She was good to go.

I don't think I ever consciously realize my food as being my fuel at every meal. I just get hungry, so I eat my breakfast. So too, spiritual food is spiritual fuel. There's a race to be run.

Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered. 9 And having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation, 10 being designated by God as a high priest according to the order of Melchizedek. 11 Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. 12 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. 13 For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. 14 But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Hebrews 5:8-14

An odd bird...

2010-04-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

April 20, 2010

I saw the weirdest thing yesterday. I was driving on the highway, and suddenly a big bald eagle caught my eye. He swooped straight down out of the sky, talons out, diving for the ground just in front of the onramp on the opposite side of the freeway. I watched him up ahead, as I was driving toward him, and was hoping to see him fly back up with what mouse or whatever he'd caught from the edge of the road.

Instead, though, he landed. Right in the middle of the deserted onramp. I looked in front of him. No roadkill or anything. There were two crows standing on either side of the eagle, standing in the road as crows do. Only this time, there was an eagle between them. Just hanging out.

I drove past, but wondered what it was that I had seen.

An eagle acting like a crow.

An eagle, in my mind, is King of the Jungle of the bird world. They have size, they have presence, they have vision. They have an amazing ability to soar and dominate the sky. Eagles are truly majestic creatures.

Crows, on the other hand, to me, are the bullies of the bird world. They're nasty, territorial scavengers. They are clever, but only street smart. They steal (from our picnic lunches at the park and from other birds) and they threaten. They are mean as heck if they don't like where you're walking.

So what was this eagle, who's designed for so much more, doing hanging out like a crow, in a dangerous place?

Blowing his destiny.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I [Paul] urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Ephesians 4:1 NIV

Surprises, basketball, and cheese fondue....

2010-03-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

While the beggar held on to Peter and John, all the people were astonished and came running to them in the place called Solomon's Colonnade. When Peter saw this, he said to them: "Men of Israel, why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? Why Acts 3:11-12 NIV

In the previous verses, Peter had just healed a crippled man in the name of Jesus. The crippled man walked and praised God to the awe of the Jews watching.

Peter asks a couple of very provocative questions here, but personally, I didn't get past the first one for a long time. Look at the first question. It's the one the Holy Spirit asked me as I read it.

Why does this surprise you?

I've had all these answered prayers lately... left and right they've been answered, and they've been answered huge. In ways beyond what I've thought could (or should, according to me!) happen. But what I am more surprised at, if I'm honest, is that they were heard.

Why does this surprise you?

Oh, dear Father, I confess my unbelief! Help me in my unbelief! Here I've been praying like I've been pitching out these random cries that maybe, just maybe You might hear them inbetween all the other things and people you think about and, oh, You're so busy, and well, are You even concerned? Are you there, God, it's me, Jen? I've been calling out to You and You answered!

Peter asked this question to the Jews. They were God's chosen people. Their ancestors had witnessed the great and mighty wonders that He had done... They'd seen His outstretched arm... they'd seen the pillar of fire and the cloud to lead them. They'd eaten manna. For goodness' sakes, they themselves had just seen Jesus, their promised Messiah, die, be resurrected, and be raised back to heaven. Just as God had said. The pentecost had happened six hours earlier. They'd been a part of the miracles of God. Yet, they were surprised that God did it again.

Why is it so hard to get that I am his chosen child too? That I am DEARLY loved. Dearly heard! Why do I not believe that miracles and answered prayer can come my way too once in a while, or very often if I let them? Why is it that I am surprised that what I pitch out to him from the far end of the court at the buzzer actually could make a difference in the final score? Crazy, random, desperate shots that have no real strength to reach even past midcourt land, swish, in the basket!

It's, and I think only it's because I have no real concept of the size of the basket. I think I sometimes see it as small, far away, and with many very tall obstacles and elbows all trying their hardest to make sure it doesn't get there, or even stop me from attempting the shot. I think all God wants me to do is just throw it up in the right direction. I think He loves when we score one for His glory. I think even more I have been enjoying when I've been praying with someone else, and we score. We get to do a little spiritual high-five! Yay GOD!!

Which brings me to the second question. May it never be that I think I'm the star. That I have anything to do with it other than my willingness to take the shot, and wait for the basket to be HUGE. May it never be that I think that it's me who should get any glory for what God does when He chooses to use me. I know that when I spoke at the tea last Sunday, many people were praying for me. I felt so covered in the Spirit it felt like I was dipped in the cheese fondue of prayer... totally coated in comfort and protection and wisdom. I never want to forget that feeling that it was all Him.

Lord, help me know that the prayers I think are big and crazy and desperate, sometimes are really just slam dunks from Your perspective. Help me to rest in Your promises to me, and let me not be surprised that you answer, but in how! :)

I wrote! It's a banner day!

2010-03-02T13:49:00.000-08:00

March 2, 2010

I'm back! Sorry it's been a while... life!

Oh, but life has been good, for the most part, for the last few weeks, because the Olympics have been in town. Sort of. We live across the water from Vancouver, about an hour and a half by ferry. We've been having a great time cheering on the athletes, and the kids are so inspired by all that they saw. On several occasions, Keelin borrowed two strips of Candan's Hot Wheels racetrack, strapped them to her feet with ponytail holders, held two more in her hands, and cross-country skiied through the house. Candan spent a great deal of time with a broom and a ball, "curling" the ball into the paper rings he cut out and placed on the floor. They skated in their socks, made paper flags and mascots, and cried "LUUUUOOOOoooOOO" with the rest of us during hockey games.

We had the incredible opportunity to get tickets to an event. We went to the Men's Curling Semifinals. We were the rowdy ones you heard about on TV. heeehee.. No, but man, if curling stays as fun to watch, I'll be back in the crowd again! We were right downtown in Robson Square when the Canadian Women won their gold medal in hockey-- wow! O Canada ♪ ♫ Everyone wearing red Maple Leaf tattoos on their cheeks and flags on their backs, singing away, with such amazing enthusiasm.

Just as the Games were starting, everyone asked who I'd be cheering for. After all, I am American. You wouldn't know it, me in my Canada shirt, scarf, and those really impractical, but really trendy red mittens. I did, mostly cheer Canada, I wanted them so badly to do well at home.

Then, there was THE game. I own a USA Hockey shirt, but I am pretty sure that would have constituted grounds for deportation, and it went unworn throughout the Olympics. It meant everything for Canada to win, and OH, I wanted Canada to win that Gold.... and the morning of the game came, and I put on my new Team Canada hockey jersey. For a moment, I had a twinge... just a twinge.... that feeling of guilt that maybe I should sneak that other shirt on underneath, after all, my home country. But I didn't. I love Canada! :) (I did take it off during the second period so I wouldn't get guacamole on it, though.)

Standing in the crowd at Robson, with all those people in red and white and singing together, I really got that it matters who you stand with. And what you stand for. It's great when people gather all together in the same name. There is power and joy in celebrating all together the wonderful things that happen under that banner.

Moses built an altar and named it The LORD is My Banner. Exodus 17:15

I'm feelin' for Keelin...

2010-01-29T10:40:00.000-08:00

I'm sure I am in much more pain about it than she is.

Back in November, we all had our checkups at the dentist. Our dentist pulled me aside after Keelin's checkup and let me know that her teeth were decaying like crazy. She had multiple problems in all four corners of her mouth, and to correct them, it would be more successful if she were under sedation.

The thought took my breath away.

A couple weeks later, I got a phone call from the specialist he'd referred us to. They'd looked at her x-rays. She'd need root canals and crowns and cavity fillings and possibly an extraction.

WHAT?!!!

The dentist had said she had a few problems, but THIS?!! On a six year old? How is this EVEN possible?

They booked us in for the earliest date available. In MARCH! Four months away?! Anyways, we got a phone call back from them in early January, saying they'd added a new doctor, and they could see Keelin earlier. We booked one appointment for January 28 for one side of her mouth, and one more in February for the other.

My poor, poor baby...

I didn't want Keelin to worry. I didn't want her to be scared. So I never told her about it. Not any of it. Not until the night before, and even that night didn't tell her the whole extent of the ordeal that she'd have to go through. I wanted her to sleep at night. I agonized, I tossed and turned for her so that she didn't have to. For months.

Yesterday, I brought my sweet thing into the dentist for the first half. I stayed with her until the sedative took effect, and then made my place in the waiting room. I prayed, I paced, I did anything I could to just barely hold myself together. I was exhausted, spending the whole day trying not to cry in front of Keelin over what they had to do to her. I couldn't wait to go to bed and cry my eyes out.

I am sure I am in much more pain about it than she is.

And that's my point.

God has the whole measure of our lives spread out for us before Him. He can surely way in advance see the magnitude of all the events of our lives, and the trials and pains that He knows we'll have to endure. He knows what is upcoming, how much they'll hurt, and how hard they will be on us.

He loves us deeply. He doesn't want it to hurt. Like I'd do for Keelin, wanting it to be me instead of her in that dentist's chair, He'd want to take the pain for us instead. In fact, He did when He sent Jesus to die in our place on the cross. And I know if God's any kind of parent to His children, He takes our pain daily as well. I can't help but think He sits in the heavens agonizing over the pains we have and hurts more over the things than we ever know or we even feel. I think the way that I felt for Keelin, that it hurt me more than it did her, is the same way God feels our pain. He only allows it because He knows it's for our good. He tells us not to worry, to not fear, and I can't help feeling it's because He's done it all for us already.

For His eyes are upon the ways of a man, And He sees all his steps. Job 34:21

38 and 364/365ths

2010-01-19T11:55:00.001-08:00

January 19, 2010

Tomorrow's my birthday, and I can't even get over how old I am going to be. I tell people I am going to be thirty-nine, and no one believes me. Not even me. Twenty-nine, yes. Thirty-nine, not even close. I keep rechecking the math. It can't be right. Wonder, though, if people are suspicious of the number thirty-nine, because no-one REALLY is thirty-nine, are they? That's just what you say you are after you're forty. You know, "I'm thirty-nine (for the fifth time)." Maybe when I am forty-nine, I'll feel thirty-nine. But nope, feel more like twenty-nine today.

I'm having this amazing time right now, where I am having prayer answered in the most wonderful ways. It's so cool. I'm getting such a kick out of it. God is so good, but you knew that. I just have to praise Him lots and lots because He is really who He says He is. Faithful, True, Wonderful... yes, yes, and yes. Like the cave thing from my last post. The very next day after I wrote that, I picked up a book I've owned for a long time that I haven't read yet, you know one of those you always mean to read, but just haven't gotten to... I was looking for a passage on "courage" for something I needed for Toastmasters, and on one of the margins, in bold print, it read, "God does some of His best work in caves. He resurrects things." Cool, eh? Things like that have been happening, concerns I've had, problems, everything I've brought to Him lately has been readily and confidently taken care of. Little ones, big ones, hasn't mattered. But I think God gets a kick out of it too.

And, well, it just happened again.

I was having coffee today with one of the most amazing women I know, and she gave me a birthday scripture. I looked at her as she read it, in astonishment, and had to tell her that the words she spoke were about ten different answers to prayer. Here it goes:

That's why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the Christians, I couldn't stop thanking God for you - every time I prayed, I'd think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask - ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory - to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for Christians, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him - endless energy, boundless strength. Ephesians 1:15-19 The Message

Oh, the utter extravagance of His work in us who trust Him!

It is a NEW day....

2010-01-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

I just came back from walking the kids to school. As I was on my walk, I was thinking a "thought" to jot, and I sat down with the intention to write it out, but as usual, got caught up in checking Facebook first instead. Funny thing, though, I looked at one of my friends' status updates, and it was exactly the thought I was thinking. She wrote simply, "It is a NEW day..."

I clicked on the "like" feature (if you're on facebook, you know what I mean) but what I really meant was "AMEN!"

It's been raining for days. Hard, oppressive, pelting rain that makes you feel sorry for ever going outside, and the kind that makes you wonder if building an ark might be in order. It's been wearing on me, all this grey sky and rain, so much that yesterday, my own status read something like, "I can't move, I've done nothing, nada, zip, zilch. The tea's good, though." It was remarkable that I actually got up to make the tea. Today, the sun came out, and it was glorious. It's not altogether brilliant and bright and cloudless, but I'll take it. It may as well be! It was so warm, I stuffed my mittens into Keelin's backpack and left them for her to bring home from school later.

The thing is, though, that it was still a day yesterday. That's what struck me on my walk. The sun didn't have to come out for it to be a day. (I paused to think for a second, and I could hear birds singing outside. Ahh...) God still made yesterday, and the day before, and the sun did still rise, even though it was nowhere to be seen. And so often I forget that. I've probably even written this whole thought before somewhere. You can hear it all over, people saying, "will this ever stop?"

It's amazing how easy it is to fall into our circumstances.

I realized yesterday, by the afternoon, how much I'd let my circumstances take over, and how much I'd helped them out. What I mean, is, how I'd let my "it's-the-depth-of-winter-and-I-feel-like-all-I-want-to-do-is-crawl-up-in-my-cave-and-hibernate-till-March" feelings consume me. I let my house become a cave. I looked at the thermostat yesterday: 62 degrees! Brrrr... really, if I were a cold-blooded creature, I'd have been frozen solid. No wonder I hadn't moved! There were six lightbulbs that needed changing. (Most of our light fixtures have two or three lightbulbs in them, and I let one or two in each one burn out... so not dark, but definitely dimmer in the house.) I hadn't let light in by turning the levelor blinds open either. It was dark and cold in here. Quiet, too. No music. That's really unusual for me. I realized on my walk, with some good praise music in my ears, how long it had been since I'd listened to music.

So, no music, no light, no warmth. A cave. I'd made myself a cave!

Is it just me who thinks that something happens and I go, "well, that's just the way it is." And I live in it. I even furnish the cave and hunker down in it. And by cave I mean, whatever the circumstances are that surround you. Busy-ness can be the cave you choose to dwell in. You can get so busy you solve it by adding three more things to your schedule that are intended to relieve stress, but really, just make yourself more busy. I have been driving my wagon in a rut of "this is just the way it is" in areas I am afraid to take a leap in, or things I feel I don't deserve. I fluff up my pillow and rest in the way it is.

God though, I know, doesn't want us to live like that. In a cave, or driving in a rut. He wants us to pull up the blinds even if it's raining. There's still light. There's still a day that He has made going on. My friend who wrote her status, had three status updates before it, all about all the trials she's going through with illnesses, and household frustrations like water heaters, and such. It's so easy, SO easy, to let yourself get wrapped up in that. That's why I found her update such an encouragement to me. It is a NEW day. Yes, and it will have troubles of its own, but it's new, and we have the hope, the glorious hope that God is providing the day and the deliverance for us through our circumstances. He ALWAYS does. He is faithful. THIS is the day the Lord has made, we will REJOICE and be GLAD in it. It's not written ...we will fall asleep and wait for it to pass in it. Another friend reminded me of my own words, "liquid sunshine," I almost always call it. I'd totally forgotten.

Fixing my eyes on Him reminds me that He is doing a great work.

Fixing my eyes on the cave makes me a bear.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. Psalm 40:2

New Year's Resolutions...

2010-01-05T13:18:00.000-08:00

Let's face it. I am not good at these.

As far as promises go, I've broken way more than I've kept. And good intentions, they say a certain road is paved with them. Oh, sure, I am going to try, but you know, it's easy to let things slide after a while.

Promises I've made to myself are usually the first to go. Let's see, there's exercising, flossing, organizing... to name a few. I'll probably start for the umpteenth time, to read the Bible in a year, and for the umpteenth time, give up around Numbers, if not, Exodus.

People make resolutions to improve themselves somehow. I mean, that's why I make them. Though, why is it that neglecting improvement is easier? And why is it that after I've broken whatever it is, I feel so discouraged? That's hardly an improvement, and in fact I usually feel worse than I did before I made the resolution in the first place. Discouragement. That's no way to live. This year, I resolve to live free of discouragement.

Resolute means "to be firm and unwavering."

Though I may not be resolute in all ways at all things, I have a God who is. He is resolutely merciful and forgiving even though I forget to floss, or skip my Bible reading for the day, or eat more chocolate than I'd intended. There is, therefore, now no condemnation, for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)

This year I resolve to be resolute in seeing my things as God sees them, with a little more mercy and a little more forgiveness.

The other thing is that this year I am going to make my resolutions not of my wavering strength, but this time, lean on the One who is strong. I resolve to let my resolve come from Him. Only through Him, trusting Him, abiding in His perfect will for me, can I get past February.

P.S. I also need to remember that I need to make resolutions that aren't for my glory, but for His purposes. Nothing I've ever done to give myself glory has ever been successful. Yes, that includes reading the Bible in a year. I think so often I take up the task to say I've done it, not for the learning, growing, and the relational (the-spending-time-with-God) aspect of it.

What are your resolutions this year? What are you doing to make them stick?

My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

2 things... :)

2010-01-04T11:07:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year!

Really, I will get around to writing... I've actually written a few, about 2/3's of each one, and then, I don't know... Until I get back on the blog horse... here's a really great video.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas... :)

2009-12-25T14:19:00.000-08:00

Wishing you a Christmas filled with wonders to treasure :)

1 Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. 2 This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. 3 And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. 4 Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem,because he was of the house and family of David, 5 in order to register along with Mary, who wasengaged to him, and was with child. 6 While they were there, the days were completed for her togive birth. 7 And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. 8 In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. 10 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid ; for behold, I bringyou good news of great joy which will be for all the people ; 11 for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 "This will be a sign for you: you will finda baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." 13 And suddenly there appeared with the angela multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 14 "Glory to God in the highest, And onearth peace among men with whom He is pleased." 15 When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, "Let us go straight to Bethlehemthen, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us." 16 So theycame in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger.17 When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about thisChild. 18 And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. 19But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. 20 The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them. Luke 2:1-20

Holiday Reruns....

2009-12-20T00:52:00.000-08:00

I'm on a bit of a blog hiatus... been in California for a week and a half, and it's just been impossible to write, though I could stand a little God time on my blog in a big way. I hate to do it, but I am posting a rerun. Enjoy! Merry Christmas!

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2008

What's missing from Christmas?

December 2, 2008

Last week or so, Keelin came into my room, and handed me two little dolls, one was Mary and one was Joseph. They came with a board book that stands up to make a stable and a manger to play out the nativity scene, but she just handed me the two dolls. She said, "Mommy, here, you might need these for your Bible study."

"Thanks, Kee..." (so cute!) "But Kee, where's baby Jesus?"

"Oh, He's lost. I think He's in my room somewhere."

"Don't you want Mary and Joseph to play the Christmas story?"

"No, you can't play it without Jesus."

So true.

This Christmas, don't lose Jesus.

"This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:12

Book Review-- The Unfinished Gift, by Dan Walsh

2009-12-03T14:02:00.001-08:00

It really picks me when commercials make me cry.

It picks me even more when books do it to me, because tears get all in the way, and the words get blurry and I can't keep on reading. By page twelve, I was already looking for a kleenex, but I couldn't leave The Unfinished Gift unfinished. In one sitting, I read through my tears the poignant tale of a little boy who's world has been upturned the week before Christmas.

What a beautiful book The Unfinished Gift is.

It reads like a Hallmark Christmas movie. The World War II setting provides a complicated, yet nostalgic backdrop for this novel about seven year-old Patrick Collins, who's been put by Child Services in the custody of his estranged grandfather. His mother has just been killed in a car accident, and his father is "somewhere in England" fighting in the war. Patrick meets his stern grandfather, Ian Collins, for the first time, and knows his world has changed. Through the kindness and caring of his social worker, Miss Townsend, and the widow next door, Mrs. Fortini, Patrick finds comfort, as they attempt to teach Mr. Collins to learn to reach out to his grandson, despite the rift between him and Patrick's parents. Try as they might, it takes a box of letters, a telegram, and Patrick's prayers to help the old man soften his heart toward his family and mend the hurts of the past.

I thoroughly enjoyed each and every character the author brings to the story. His characters are familiar, somehow, without falling into stereotype. He cleverly even develops the character of Patrick's mother(though the book opens after her death), which enriches the depth of the story, and shows the weight of their family's loss. It is a story of love, reconciliation, and forgiveness that is so appropriate for the Christmas season. And even though it made me cry, not once, but several times, it is well worth fighting through tears all the way to the end.

An excerpt can be read here:
http://www.revellbooks.com/Media/MediaManager/Excerpt_9780800719241.pdf

Three is a magic number

2009-12-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

December 2, 2009

Early on in grade school, when I would write stories, I'd overuse the exclamation point. If something got really exciting, it wouldn't be unusual for me to express this excitement with a whole line (or three) of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s. My teacher, I am sure, tired of reading nothing but !!!!!!!!'s, explained that three exclamation points are quite sufficient. She said that one works for most cases, but if you're really excited about something, that it is acceptable to use three at most. Three reads as much excitement. If you use too many, she taught, what you said loses its excitement value.

I've been doing all this research for a book, and I read something really fascinating, and I was going to save my little sweet morsel of information, but I can't hold onto it any longer! They're playing all these Christmas carols on the radio right now, and everytime I hear the word "holy" I think of it. I think it's so cool, I can't keep it in any more, I am bursting at the seams to tell you! I just hope you think it is, too.

In Isaiah 6:3 and again in Revelation 4:8, the angels cry "Holy Holy Holy!"

I had always heard that this was a reference to the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. But one of my commentaries explains that it also serves as a device to show that the angels can't satisfy themselves in the praises of God. They could go on forever! It's like exclamation points that could extend on and on if it wouldn't get tiring for the reader and lose its value. Holy! Holy! Holy! The angels are this excited about the majesty and the glory of God and their praises go on and on.

This should signal how we are to praise Him also.. Our praises should never cease. They should continuously glorify Him. He is HOLY HOLY HOLY! He is full of majesty and mercy and grace! He is mighty and wonderful and good!!!

I will bless the LORD at all times ; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalm 34:1

And my tongue shall declare Your righteousness And Your praise all day long. Psalm 35:28

Praise the LORD ! For it is good to sing praises to our God; For it is pleasant and praise is becoming. Psalm 147:1
(had to put three today!)

Locks of dread...

2009-11-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

Keelin's hair is very long and flows prettily down her back. Being six-and-a-half, she doesn't quite understand how to brush all of it yet. When she was quite little, she'd just brush the front that she could see and thought she'd done it all. Now, she brushes till she hits something and then takes the brush out and goes somewhere else with it. Of course, she tells you that yes, she's just brushed her hair, but you can see from above the messy lumps she avoided. Does she want help? No, of course not. She repeats this for days. Actually, if she could avoid brushing it altogether, that would be her first choice. She hides her tangles for a while by keeping her hair up in a pony tail. Eventually, routinely, she finally concedes defeat, and hands a parent a brush.

Tangles, being tangles, don't work themselves out on their own. At least, I've never seen it happen. They can't be avoided and overlooked in hopes they go away. When they're neglected, they go from a little problem to a big mess in a hurry. They need help. They need a good hairbrush, some detangling conditioner, and some time to work them out.

Keelin dreads this part. Conceding. Admitting defeat. Surrendering to the hairbrusher. First, she has to admit that she's left a mess go way too long. Secondly, she can't fix it herself, and she hates that. Third, she knows that fixing it hurts.

We used to have her sit on a stool facing away from me or her daddy in front of the TV for distraction while she had her tangles worked out, but we found it didn't work very well. She would pull away the second it started hurting, making things much worse for herself. What Keelin's figured out is that when she sits on a stool facing me, she can put her arms around me, and put her head on my shoulder while I work the brush through. When it hurts, she can hug me tighter, and she can know I am hurting her in love. Once it's done, though, she loves it. She can run her fingers through it, let it swing around, and leave it long.

Sometimes we don't know when we've made a mess, because we can't quite see that we have, how it all started, or know how we got there. Other times, we've knowingly let something go and let it get messier and messier till it's obvious the big rat's nest has to go. I know that when I've made something a mess, it's definitely hard to hand a brush over.

Handing a brush to God, sitting down and assuming a spot before Him, letting Him work in us is a choice we have to make. After all, He knows what's there. He can see from above the mess we've tried to hide and avoid dealing with. It's much easier when we face Him, hold Him tight, and let Him know when we're hurting as He lovingly works it all out for good. It's also less painful when we do this often and early on, and not let things get messy. When they do, I think sometimes that I'd rather have Him use scissors instead of a brush. And He could! But He so often chooses not to, knowing that a gaping hole would be left in its place. He chooses a hairbrush of grace, softened with un"conditioning" (hehehee) love, to work it through with me, that I would be whole instead, and beautiful on the other side of it.

He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. Psalm 103:10-13

ten kinds of weird.

2009-11-16T13:45:00.000-08:00

"I feel ten kinds of weird today," I told Melanie on our way downstairs to the basement of the Underground this morning for Bible study.

We got downstairs and set down our stuff, and I proceeded to go make coffee. I walked into the kitchen area, when Melanie exclaimed, "Hey, look at the floor."

There was a huge puddle of water on the floor. I hadn't even noticed it as I walked right through it to go to the kitchen.

Make that eleven.

I feel just "off" today. I really did try to be "on." I think it's the Monday thing. I tried to be SuperMom as I cooked rolls and cinnamon rolls for us all this morning before school, packed hot lunches for the kids, and brushed out the most tangled of kid hair from my daughter's oft-neglected locks. Dread locks, that is. She's not much into brushing anything, but most of all, her very long hair. As she complained and protested, I gave her words of wisdom: "with great hair, comes great responsibility."

I try to get us out of the house at 8:30 to get there for the 8:40 bell. Well, I went upstairs at 8:27 to go get dressed! I needed a phonebooth to walk in and out of really fast, but sadly, I don't have one in the bedroom. Brushed my teeth as fast as I could. I probably only got the front eight, but I didn't care; I skipped washing my face. I locked the front door at 8:39, looked down at three imploding pumpkin heads leftover from Halloween still on the front porch. I hoped my face didn't look like any of those. No time to pour coffee in my travel mug, or even swig the last drops in the cup on the counter on the way out. I was "off."

Our study today was about "faithfulness." Our God is faithful, and our faith is a response to His faithfulness. Today I have to say that that is so true in my life. He's always "on." He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and O' man, I love that! That I can be weird and imploding on my front porch and He hasn't taken the day off. Praise Him! Praise Him that whatever is off in my life can be steadied by leaning on the One who never changes. I love that when I am ten kinds of weird I don't think He's forgotten me, and that I can know He's still ten kinds of wonderful. Praise Him who is good and who keeps His promises and who strengthens me when I need every ounce I can get! Lord I praise You for the day You've made, even if I am wondering where I am in it, or if even if I am late for it.

I think I need a nap.

Your lovingkindness, O LORD, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Psalm 36:5

Keelin's playing on my blog :)

2009-11-12T20:17:00.000-08:00

Hearts

by Keelin

Under the lights...

2009-11-12T12:14:00.001-08:00

I coach Keelin's soccer team. A few weeks back, I was approached with a fantastic invitation to bring our team to play at halftime of the Nanaimo United (Division 1 Women) soccer game last Saturday night. We'd been to this particular field before just recently, but not at night. Way more impressive at night! We drove up to park. All lit up, it might as well have been Dodger stadium. I felt that same sense of wonder. We'd made it to the bigs.

Keelin was adorable. Before we left the house, she had made sure to wear a headband to pull her bangs back. We went to see her thirteen-year old "cousin" play a couple weeks ago at this field on Sunday afternoon (why we'd been there). Before her game, Taylor put her bangs back into a headband. Keelin wanted to be just like her. Playing on the same field as her big "cousin". So in went the headband. I knew what she was after, but I kind of spoiled it by making her wear her toque over it. It was freezing, though! Night games come without sunshine.

Keelin watched as she waited for her turn on the pitch. I watched her watching them, as she admired their size and ability. I remember being the same way, thinking how I wanted to be just like the big girls. It's good to have good role models, and have something to aspire to be when you grow up!

The little girls' soccer game, needless to say, looked nothing like the game the big girls were playing! It was hilarious. Usually, my girls play 4 v. 4, but with the short time allowed, the organizers wanted everyone to play, so we played 6 v. 8 (our team had 6!) They proceeded to play in their usual style--all swarming like bees, like they do when there's only eight on the field on Saturday mornings. Only now, there were fourteen of them hovering around the ball at the same time. Back and forth they all ran as one big blob, chasing the ball up and down the field for ten whole minutes. So cute! I mentally ran every lap with them from the sidelines. It was exhausting. We scored the only goal (we weren't really keeping score, but since my team was short-handed, I was pretty impressed with ourselves!)

The big girls got back on and resumed the game. We didn't stay for the end. We went home to warm our toes. And a much-deserved hot chocolate for the whole family.

We were very grateful to have been invited by the Nanaimo United coaches, whose purpose in having us was to inspire our young girls to keep with soccer for the long term. It was a great experience to expose the girls to the beautiful game, to introduce them to some great examples of successful players, and a great way to give the girls a "goal" to "shoot" for. (I know... but I couldn't resist.) It's one thing to tell someone something, and another to let them experience it for themselves. What a wonderful experience it was!

You also became imitators of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit, 7 so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. 8 For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you, not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but also in every place your faith toward God has gone forth, so that we have no need to say anything. 1 Thessalonians 1:6-8

Costumes and compromises....

2009-11-03T11:36:00.000-08:00

November 3, 2009

Wow, last week was a whirlwind!

Halloween ended up being a whole lot of fun this year. For one, it didn't rain. Secondly, I've finally arrived at the big Halloween promotion. I don't have to walk up and ring the doorbell at every house. I am an end-of-the-driveway Trick-Or-Treater Supervisor now! Yipee! However, the whole Halloween season started out, I could tell, very hard for Candan. He's not ever super big on the day in the beginning of October. He tells me that first day or so of the month that he'd just prefer me buying him a box of chocolate and being done with it (I'd be more than okay with that!). As the month progresses, he usually figures something out that he'd like to dress up as, and then he gets excited about the big day. This year was harder than usual for him to get into the (forgive the pun) spirit.

It was two days before the parade, and still he couldn't decide what to dress up as or if he wanted to at all. He'd been Spiderman, Buzz Lightyear, a soccer player, a hockey player, and a knight in recent years past. There wasn't much left that hadn't been done yet. And he knew what all his friends were going to be-- scary.

He knows I don't do scary, and he doesn't like it either one bit. All his friends would be dressed as vampires or other assorted gory, bloody things for the school Halloween parade [which we don't have a dress code for, but I think we should. It was (again, forgive the pun) hauntingly telling of the dark world we live in. Nine year-olds dressed as Death is heart-wrenching.]

There was huge pressure to be something he didn't want to be.

The world is never going to help us out to be pleasing in His sight. The world celebrates darkness and fear and death, and it's easier sometimes to go along with what others are doing so we don't stand out as different. The truth is, he wouldn't have been happy had he gone as Dracula, because he'd know the compromise he'd made. Compromising what you believe in will never make you happier.

He went as a scarecrow. A darling scarecrow. He said it's okay to scare birds if it's to save the cornfield. He's so cute, and I am so proud of him. (He wasn't smiling in this picture because his dorky mom was embarrassing him by making him stand up after his class sat back down after their turn marching in the parade. My camera wasn't ready as they passed by.)

Oh, and speaking of darling... here's a sweet pink m&m.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

duh.

2009-10-27T22:35:00.001-07:00

I feel like I've been home all of fifteen minutes in the last five days. We studied peace as a fruit of the Spirit last week, and honestly, it's been the weirdest week for that. I know I have peace, but do I feel peace this week? Deep down when I stop to think from an eternal perspective, yes, but as I am busy, not so much. I sometimes have a disconnect between what I know and what I do. And not just peace, I've acted so unbelievably pitifully this week. And I didn't even go behind my own back to do it. Paul talked about that too. I'm glad I am not the only one who feels like a total idiot sometimes.

14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh;for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. Romans 7:14-25

To be beautiful...

2009-10-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

October 22, 2009

I had fully intended to write on something else today, but I changed my mind when I read the quote of the day that I receive in my Google Reader. Here's what it said:

"All God's children are not beautiful. In fact, some are barely presentable."--Fran Leibowitz.

For a moment, I felt offended.... and then, I thought about it some more, and you know what? She's absolutely right. On several counts.

When we lose our witness, that is, when we don't look like we belong to Him. That's ugly.

You know what else is ugly? (not an exhaustive list...)
When we serve other masters.
When we return evil with evil.
When we choose the paths of unrighteousness or self-righteousness.
When we dishonor others.
When we dishonor ourselves.
When we don't love our brothers and sisters.
When we don't love our enemies.
When we disagree with those we elected to govern, we attack the men, not the issues.
When we choose bondage over freedom, or law over grace.

Any time we do any of the above (have you ever?) it's called sin. Sin's ugly. We come to God not at all presentable. We're told in Romans 3:23, "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." I do ugly things daily, but Oh, glory, glory, glory to God, he makes me beautiful.

We have an amazing and glorious privilege to be able to come to Him in confession and repentance. Take hold of this gift that God gives us-- become beautiful again. Accept His forgiveness, knowing that ugly is gone! Walk in joy and celebration and beauty, like you belong to Him!

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

^24-25And now to him who can keep you on your feet, standing tall in his bright presence, fresh and celebrating—to our one God, our only Savior, through Jesus Christ, our Master, be glory, majesty, strength, and rule before all time, and now, and to the end of all time. Yes. (Jude 1:24-25, The Message)

Our true value...

2009-10-16T12:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Brad and I were talking about commodities. His business depends on commodity prices for materials like cardboard. And it got me to thinking....

Commodities are valued at the price someone is willing to pay for them.

So are you and me.

You were bought with a price... 1 Corinthians 6:20

Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood. Acts 20:28

knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers ¹⁹but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ. 1 Peter 1:18-19

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-10-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

Have a wonderful and blessed day!

O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
1 Chronicles 16:34

For the ones we love...

2009-10-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

I gave away Grandma's pie crust recipe.

I don't know that Grandma keeps it a secret. After all, she told me! However, it is special to me, and thought it should be cherished. We'd gone to our friends' farm the day before and picked a few bushels of apples. There were tons of apples in my kitchen, and I needed to share. I made a phone call.

"Shannon, bring your pie plate and come on over and make pies with me!"

So she came right over with her pie plate, and she brought the most lovely and most effective apple corer I've ever seen, as well. We were able to whip out pies in nothing flat!

As we were peeling apples, she told me she makes a horrible pie crust, that her husband won't eat her pies because of it. I told her not to worry, and we rolled out Grandma's. We piled in our apples and laid the top crust in the cutest lattice pattern. She was thankful for the crust lesson and the apple pie she'd have for dessert later.

As she left, I wrote down the recipe for her.

Yeah, I gave away my treasured recipe, but there are just some things you do your best friends, just because you love them.

4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7 NIV

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Romans 8:32

Like potato chips...

2009-09-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

September 30, 2009

I brought a bag of chips with me from the cupboard, sat down at the computer, and wondered what I would write about. I started eating my chips, one handful after the other. I realize this is not the picture of healthful eating in progress, because I am pretty sure that how I was eating was pretty mindless, not paying any attention whatsoever to the food being brought to my mouth at first. I was opening Blogger, typing passwords, looking at the "blogs I follow" on the opening page and all, and thinking about my blog entry to come instead of focusing on the eating part. But whoa, it wasn't long before my food got my attention. And I knew what to write about.

My chips, if you've ever had them, then you'd know why they suddenly caught my attention. They're Kettle Brand Chips, Spicy Thai flavor. The thing about these chips is that you start eating them, and they seem very sweet and flavorful and beautifully seasoned with parsley. Then WHAM... they hit you. HOTTT! :) When I saw "spicy" on the label, I kinda was thinking more that they were really filled with "spice- y", savory flavors, rather than HOT spicy. I love hot, but they surprised me, and now there are unexpected flames shooting from my tongue.

Now, where am I going?

You see, it instantly occurred to me that it's exactly how I read the Bible. I open it often without expectation or looking for something sweet and savory, and then WHAM! I am hit with something that really gets my attention. Something I read is challenging, or I get an unexpected feeling of awe, or something altogether that I needed to hear just at that very moment to change the way I've been doing things. Something falls on me in a new way, and I am instantly jolted into action, into prayer, into confession, or into rejoicing. The Word of God is living and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword... but it never gets stale.

I pray that my studying, as I have been doing research for a book I am writing (why my blogs have been few and far-between) that it would become addictive, as well... that it would be what I want first, before any distraction, and that the Spirit would be hot on my tongue that I would be at the ready to speak of the mighty deeds of God.

12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Have a quiet time....

2009-09-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

The fewer words the better prayer. ~Martin Luther

The kids are talking about prayer in Kidz Place this month at church. They get sent home a paper that summarizes what they've been learning, and it goes on the fridge for remembering throughout the week. On it was the definition of the word "prayer". It said, "prayer is talking and listening to God."

I'm so glad it said that-- listening to God! Praying is two-way commmunication! Listening to God is the best part, and we can't listen if we're too busy talking. Of course, we're to praise him and pour out our hearts to Him (psalm 62:8) as a drink offering, but we have to let Him consume them and purify us, that we would be filled with His Spirit. I think that requires a pause.

I love this song, and it has a line in it that says "I tried to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time." While we'll never fully understand "Holy" on this side of heaven, He'll reveal Himself little by little as we listen.

You've been approved...

2009-09-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

September 22, 2009

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10, NIV

Wow, my readership has gone up a smidge since my last post.

I have to admit, the "gem" of a comment rattled me a little at first. Brad saw it before me, and said, "Uh oh, somebody's slamming you." So, when I read it I was prepared for what was to come, but I hadn't had the experience of someone, not only disagreeing with me, but insulting me and my intelligence at the same time on my blog before.

I am not afraid of her opinion. She's certainly entitled to it. Besides, if I were insecure, I'd have deleted it before anyone else had read it :) .

But here's the thing, readers.

I don't write to please you.

Hate to break it to you, but it's true. Early on I was told a very wise thing while I was a bit discouraged about my very small number of readers (normal when you first start a blog!). This advice has stuck: write for yourself. It's what keeps me writing. Whether you read it or not. (I am glad when you do, but I might not always say things you'll like.)

In the verse I posted up above, Paul talks about seeking people's approval. In the verse, he states that from whom you seek your approval is to whom you are a servant. I know I am freaking a few readers out right now who think they're not a servant to anything or anyone. Again, I hate to break it to you, but we're all a servant to something. Something or someone masters you, whether you'd like to admit it or not. When you try to seek the approval of people, Paul says, you're not serving Christ. You bow down to them, instead of God.

Look at what people-pleasing approval-seeking gets you. Think of the number of bad decisions in your life made in the name of "fitting in" or "avoiding conflict." Oh, I can think of so many-- and that's just high school. Some of these choices were downright dangerous, and had huge consequences. Truly, I think of some of those things I sought before I knew God, and I consider it only by the grace of God to be alive. One time, I risked my very life to avoid my friends' disappointment in me! How nuts is that?! But it happens to people all the time to various degrees.

The catch with seeking people's approval is that it doesn't last. You keep having to seek it again and again. See where the servant thing goes? Again and again you have to keep serving them, keeping them happy, and your approval rating up. Their approval becomes an idol, and you can't serve idols and God at the same time. Think of just how it is when you stop caring what people think! When you dance like no one's watching.... isn't that better?

I don't want you to think either, that God needs his ego puffed up all the time, and needs me to do it. He's omniscent, and He already knows He's God. He doesn't seek my approval. But I am to seek His. And do you know why? Oddly enough, it's for my freedom.

You might be puzzled by just how being a servant (the NASB uses the word bondslave) gives you freedom. Slavery=freedom? Yes. When you put yourself under God's care, you entrust yourself to Someone who loves you unconditionally. Someone who has plans to prosper you and give you a hope and a future. Someone who has loved you before you loved Him and thought about you before the foundation of the world. He approves of you! I think that's a pretty good gig. When you follow Him, it's only for good. And God is pleased when we do choose His way, because it's good.

When I write, I write for myself, to record the wondrous things He's done for me in my life--the polkadots He's given me through his manifold wisdom and grace, in the manifold ways they've appeared. I do that to say, "Gee, thanks, God, that's amazing what You've done for me." And in the hopes that my readers will begin to see polkadots in their lives too. (though, if you're seeing spots, maybe see a doctor.)

And if it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the river, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15

Powered by God

2009-09-17T09:18:00.001-07:00

September 17, 2009

Okay, I am composed. But I can't promise I won't cry as I write!

Yesterday I opened the bags of our two teams' soccer jerseys to take out our kids' numbers before we gave them out to the rest of their teams, and I was stunned. I wasn't stunned that they were huge and their jerseys shouldn't be that big yet. While yes, it is quite shocking that Candan's shirt is adult small, and it's true I am not quite ready for him to be a small adult, I was shocked instead by what it said on the front. "Powered by Junk." in great big block letters.

Powered by Junk?

I pictured my precious children wearing shirts saying POWERED BY JUNK on them and I started getting tears in my eyes. I knew I couldn't cry, because I was on my way to Toastmasters and I had to keep it together. But the hour was as long as I could hold it back. I got in the car afterwards, and sobbed. Sobbed my ever-lovin' eyes out.

Powered by Junk is the slogan of the company 1-800-got-junk. I don't have a problem with that in itself. Thank you, 1-800-Got-Junk for your wonderful sponsorship! And I get it, cute, the soccer club is powered by their sponsorship, and how they get to play is by the company collecting junk. Yeah, ha ha.

But my soul aches deeply for all of our precious children who won't get the joke.

The world is so full of influence telling them they need more to be more, that they're not good enough, that they're unloved, or unlovable. That what they have inside is unworthy. The whole idea behind the soccer club is to foster self-esteem. Powered by Junk? Oh, my soul aches! What kids have inside of them, powering them, is not junk. Some parents even tell their children that they are junk. And so, we've just validated that.

What's more, is that "junk" is a street term for drugs (which I actually didn't know, but a teacher I had talked to told me so, but I guess it makes sense, because I do know the term "junkie") and schools and sports clubs are all trying to promote good nutrition, and not being powered by "junk" food, either. The slogan just doesn't work for me on many, many levels.

What kids have inside of them is precious and God-given and infinitely more valuable than they know, and even more than a lot of parents, or junk companies, or (fill in the blank) know too.

I went to the soccer office yesterday to mention that yes, while I do get that it is intended to be a joke, that it is at children's expense and that I don't find it funny, and she told me to explain the joke to my kids. So there I am last night, explaining the in's-and-out's of corporate sponsorship to my six-year old. Futility.

I have to say that I expressed my concern to Keelin's age group's soccer coordinator (who didn't pick the shirts!), and she was very understanding and saw exactly where I was coming from, which I really needed, thank you!

When I was a kid, I knew my parents loved me, but somehow it didn't matter. I thought they "had" to love me, or that they just were biased because they were my parents. I just didn't feel good enough. Or "anything" enough. It was much easier to believe the bad stuff about me. Put a JUNK label on me, and oh, I'd believe that, for sure. Things changed as I got older, and now I know that I am important and truly loved, and that God thought about creating me from before He created the world, and that His thoughts of me are constant and uncountable. I know that He has made me and knit me together. And that all the tears I cried yesterday are stored up in a bottle (well, and on my sleeve, too.) I know that He cares for me, and takes care of all my needs.

I want my children (and all the children on soccer fields everywhere!) to know that they are loved too, not just by their mom or their dad, but by the Creator of the universe, who created them from before the world began, and that their tears are stored up too. I want them to know that every breath they draw is a work of the grace and beauty of God. That God is involved in all they do throughout their days. That they are powered, not by junk, but by the Spirit of the living God.

Okay, that's it. I need a kleenex again.

Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. Genesis 2:7

1O LORD, You have searched me and known me. 2You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. 3You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. 4Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. 5You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Psalm 139:1-6 (read the whole psalm here... I had such a time picking verses, it's a beautiful psalm and an instant cure for insecurity!)

a feeling of "power" less ness...

2009-09-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

I've been sobbing for an hour.

When I compose myself, I will compose a blog about it.

Right now, I'm looking through tears and the screens all blurry, and honestly, my nose is running badly and I should run for a kleenex before I resort to my sleeve.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Dr. Living Stone, I presume?

2009-09-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

September 10, 2009
** It's a two-post day! It's freaky quiet in this house with two kids at school all day. I have to go pick them up, but don't want to lose the post, so I will post it now, and add pictures when I get back. :)

Keelin has been working all summer, well, Candan too, for that matter, but mostly my crafty girl, on these perler bead projects. Have you ever seen them? You arrange little colored beads on these boards with tiny little pegs on them to hold all the beads together, and then you iron them. The plastic melts together and you take them off the board. She got a set for Christmas of 15,000 beads. Yes, 15,000.

She's made all kinds of animals: butterflies, frogs, fish.... My favorites are the scenes she's made from the big boards. One took her over a week to do. Keelin and I made a rockin' technicolor gecko together, but I can't find it to take its picture.

I was reading 1 Peter 2, and I don't know why, one of those God things where something just falls on you beautifully and like you've never read it before, though you must have...but verses 4-5 talk about us being living stones. Living stones... That whole start of the chapter is beautiful--we should long for the word that we should grow if we have tasted the kindness of the Lord. That we are precious in His sight...and as living stones we should allow ourselves to be built up as a spiritual house to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God.

The beads are like the same thing... they are precious in her sight, because with them she can build great things. The beads themselves become much more meaningful as a whole than on their own. They're all colored differently, and oh, how we sought some of those beads out to complete them just so... how precious were those everytime we found one that we needed! And really, the beads are much more beautiful when all put together. (they're pretty useless actually on their own, and oh, they hurt to step on.)

As His precious living stones, we should long to seek His word, long to be together, that we be built into something more beautiful than ourselves for His glory and His purpose, because we have tasted of the kindness of the Lord.

2like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, 3if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. 4And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God,
5you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:2-5

I need to write a speech title

2009-09-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

I won (?!) my speech contest yesterday... so my big prize is that I have to do it again, only against all the winners of all the clubs in Nanaimo. Great. Yay. UGH.... Here's basically what I said:

I have to write a speech. You see, there's this speech contest, and I entered it. I have NO idea why I entered it. It's a humorous speech contest, and well, I'm just not funny. In any sort of way. (pacing) What could've made me think that I could write a funny speech? I mean, three weeks ago I gave my speech about me clearing blackberries with a machete. Four people smile at my impression of Indiana Jen, and all of a sudden I think I am Adam Sandler or something. What was I thinking? SO I have to be funny and have vocal variety, oh, and not just funny, but funnier than Nicola, AND not pull at my shirt all at the same time or say "um"... oh, what WAS I thinking....

Okay... writing my speech... what's funny??

Oh, I know, I could tell everyone about the time when my best friend and I walked to her house from school, up hill, in the snow... (okay, not really) and we get to her house and she can't find her keys... but she has to go to the bathroom, and the more she searches, the more she dances, and I imitate her, and she laughs, and well.... she didn't need her keys so much anymore.
No, that's not really funny. That's more like "you had to be there..."

hmmm.....

Okay, there's the time when we were having a big family dinner... My son is about three at the time, and not visible to me from across the table because he's sitting in a seat without a booster... My grandma is sitting next to him, and looks at the big mound of untouched green broccoli on his plate, why he's not visible to me from across the table, and she leans over and says to him, "you know, broccoli makes you taller." So he promptly grabs a tree and scarfs it down, which I am very surprised at because he's never touched anything green that didn't come out of his nose before. He takes another and another... and then he stands up, and I still can't see him over the table,he was the same height in the chair and off, and he asks... "am I taller yet?"

No, only a mother could laugh at that one...

How about embarrassing moments... those tend to be funny... like when I was eighteen and I went to a pretty fancy seafood cafe, you know one of those really cute trendy restaurants that are crowded and small with yummy food? I got my dinner delivered to me, and it was a busy night, so my plate of halibut was sort of thrown together. I was a bit miffed because my lemon wedge was sitting halfway in the tartar sauce (eew) ....well, when I went to squirt the lemon wedge, it shoots UP UP and AWAY in the air in slow motion... and across over to another table, where it hits another man sitting across the aisle, leaving a lemon shaped splotch of tartar sauce on the back of his neck, and then bounces on the floor. He didn't notice, but he then gets up and puts on his jacket and leaves... and I am laughing so hard I am glad I don't have to search for my keys.

How can I get out of this... appendicitis, appendicitis, c'mon appendicitis....

Hmmm... So, there I was-- Indiana Jen....

Book review: Fearless

2009-09-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

September 8, 2009 (finally! I've been bursting waiting to tell you about this book!)

Death rays from space.

I saw an article on the internet the other day that we are radiated every year with the equivalent of ten chest x-rays every year from rays from outer space, which have the potential to mutate cells and cause cancer. "Death Rays" they were called. I mean, isn't there enough stuff to worry about without having to worry about being zapped from space?

Max Lucado's Fearless is based on this premise-- that despite a culture of fear in our media, and despite fear in our own circumstances, or even the mere threat of circumstances to make us afraid, that we don't have to be. We have a God who is bigger than all of our fears. Even death rays from space.

I have read many others by Max Lucado, and this one does not disappoint in its relevance and real life application. In each chapter of Fearless, Lucado tells a different story of a scenario of fear that we can all relate to. For example, one chapter is about "the fear of what's next. Another is "fear of violence". Each fear is then examined, and we are then called to challenge it, to battle it, to turn to God for courage and hope. He reminds us throughout with such beautiful gems of wisdom how much God is in control and involved deeply in all our circumstances with a heavenly perspective. And it's all firmly grounded in scripture.

Max Lucado writes with such illustration. He makes everything so clear, so visual, so common sense. He simplifies what we make so complicated. However, what I appreciated most while reading is that he doesn't paint a picture that is full of rainbows and roses. He is still careful to acknowledge that life is still messy. He includes details of his own life that we understand that he's lived it too, and that he's encountered his own fears as well.

Fearless is a great read for those who want to be free to run counter-current to the fear-filled world that we live in today. We don't have to be overcome by fear. What a good reminder! Lucado assures us that "bravery is still an option" because we have a God who cares about the intricate details in our lives, and gives us the strength to be brave as we trust Him for our lives.

Happy Labour Day :)

2009-09-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

Wow, school starts tomorrow! I wore socks for the first time in a long time-- we went bowling today :)

I just finished writing a book review to be published tomorrow, too, and I have a speech contest on Wednesday... but I haven't written my speech yet... It's a "humorous speech" but the thing is, is that I am not funny. SO not funny. I don't know why in the world I signed up for this. Three people smiled at my imitation of Indiana Jen, and suddenly I think I'm Adam Sandler. If you have any comments about what I should speak about, send 'em on!

Well, look forward to my review tomorrow, I can't publish it till 12:01am!

“Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”- Psalm 143:10

Immunizations and national anthems...

2009-09-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

September 4, 2009

Yesterday I asked Keelin to get ready so we could go out. I just wanted to leave it at that, but she asked where we were going, and I didn't have a clever enough answer.

I said, "Well, Honey, we need to get you an immunization." I thought she'd be tripped up by the hard word, maybe try to seem grown up enough to not ask what the word meant, or maybe think the word "immunization" means "puppy" or something.

Instead, she said, "Isn't that a SHOT?"

Darn it.

"Um, yes, Sweetheart (read: Miss Smartie Pants Nixon.)" There's no fooling that girl.

She hid under the bed for a few minutes, but, not blaming her one bit, I didn't push it. I just picked an outfit out for her, and talked to the cat who was sleeping on her bed. She complied eventually. She got dressed, brushed hair and teeth. Maybe it had something to do with the ice cream I promised her afterwards. Thankfully, she's wired the same as me. I'll do anything for an ice cream.

We walked into the health centre, signed her in, and she got weighed. 51 pounds! I can't believe that. (No wonder I put my back out picking her up last month!) In disbelief, I made her stand on the scale again. After a few minutes of watching the other babies and kids there to get their shots, too, the nurse called her name. She went walking calmly into the room, and sat down on my lap in the chair. The nurse was so wonderful with her, asked her a few questions, like what her favorite color was, and let her choose a sticker to go on top of the bandaid. Then Keelin pushed up her sleeve, I held her elbow, and the nurse asked Keelin to say her favorite color again really fast.

"PINK!!"

It was done. She had her shot. Not an "Ow." Not a tear. Nothing. She got her heart-stickered bandaid and that was it. So not a big deal. She got a big sticker afterwards, too. And Dairy Queen.

I remember clearly my version of the same shot when I was six. The doctor and two nurses held me down while I cried and screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs, legs kicking, arms flailing, determined not to let that needle puncture my arm. I lost the battle. The lollipop they handed me afterwards did nothing to dry my tears or soothe the pain and the fear of that moment.

Not long after that day, we sang the national anthem at a school assembly. "O'er the land of the free... and the home of the brave...."

For most of my childhood, I thought that the US was my land, but not my home. I wasn't brave, because I cried during my shots.

That's who I thought I was, after all, that's how I acted. Was it true? Why not? That's what I chose as the basis of measurement. Not that I could ride Space Mountain. If that were the measurement, I'd be brave!

I know now what the measuring stick is--it's who God says I am, and what I am because of Him. I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10) and I know I don't have to fear a thing, because He is with me wherever I go.

These days, I sing "O' Canada" quite a bit, in our house of Blue Jay, BC Lion, and Canuck games. "O' Canada, my home and native land....."

Okay, yes, Canada's my home, I live here, but I was born in the States, not my native land...

So, my struggle continues.

*sigh*

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Book review: The Aquariums of Pyongyang

2009-08-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

August 31, 2009

Book Review: The Aquariums of Pyongyang: Ten years in the North Korean gulag, by Kang Chol-Hwan

I thought this book might be a hard read. The Aquariums of Pyongyang chronicles the life of the author as a boy who, at the age of nine, was wrongfully imprisoned with his family in a North Korean concentration camp. Not exactly most people's choice for summer reading. I picked it up mostly because of those two American women journalists who had just been released from a North Korean prison a couple days before, and I thought it would be, at the very least, relevant to world events. I thought, well, maybe I'll educate myself on the basics and then skim the details. I didn't. I read each page enthralled by this man's heroism and resolve during this time of horrific injustice.

I was drawn in by what I found most unexpected, and couldn't help being fascinated by the author's amazing struggle for survival. What struck me most was that this family weren't anti-communists, weren't revolutionaries who were bent on overthrowing the government. Instead, they were communists, originally North Korean, but drawn back from settling in Japan with the hope of an even better life in North Korea. They chose North Korea based on the images that Kim Il-Sung projected to the world of a thriving communist lifestyle. What they found there shocked them. It was nothing of the sort. A country of severe poverty and militarism, they were slowly and systematically stripped of their possessions. Then one day the police stormed their house, and placed all the family, except the author's mother, in the Yodok prison in the wilderness and mountains for a ten-year sentence, facing brutal treatment, inhumane living conditions, and severe malnutrition. His terrible ordeals were well written, but told in such a way that it made it not too burdensome or gruesome for the reader to bear. Thankfully. I breathed relief every time he triumphed over each adversity.

I kept having to set my book down for a minute and grasp the fact that this wasn't a story from the 1940's, with lessons of history from the Holocaust yet unlearned, but that it was the 1980's and 90's. That it was real. I think of where I was during this same time. I had no idea. And that this very thing occurs today I can't fully comprehend. This book serves its purpose well in bringing attention to the oppression and isolation to North Koreans, and gives a voice to a nation of people whose voice has been taken away from them by a ruthless dictatorship.

this book is available from the Voice of the Martyrs catalog.

Under Construction

2009-08-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

August 28, 2009

Right now the room is shaking. It's somewhat disturbing, as the room shaking makes you not be able to think about anything else but the fact that the room is shaking. Several hulking, yellow machines are just outside the door, digging very large trenches in the ground, laying pipes for the new sewer system that is going in.

The other day, when the diggers (the "Snorts" as they're called in my favorite kid's book, but, oh, I digress!) and the shakers moved in, I wrote on my facebook as my status: "RUN!! Excavators are taking over the world!!" Heheee... nothing like a little facebook-created hysteria! I've known for a while now that the sewer plan was in place. The planners have come by, I've seen them working on other streets, and last week, they spray painted lines where the digging would take place.

But what if I didn't know?

What if all of a sudden these huge machines just tore in and started tearing apart things? Yeah, I would be a little panicked!

Even now, I look at the back-hoe operators and hope that they know what they're doing. Hope that they know where the gas line is. Hope that the pipe-fitters fit all the pieces together properly. Hope that it's all sealed nicely. I have to remember that it's not just anybody that they put to work on this stuff. They know what they're doing. They've planned for months, years, on this whole project.

God, too, has a whole plan laid out for me for my life. He's planned it for a while now. He knows exactly where it all goes, how it all fits together. He knows right where not to go, where the plans I lay won't work out, or would be dangerous ground to tread. When I see big things happening, I know not to panic. It's under control. It's just under construction. Improvements are being made! I just read in a book the other day (I can't credit it yet, because I agreed not to publish anything about it till Sept. 8 when it comes out!) about Romans 8:28, one of my favorite verses, that God works all things out for good, and if it's not good yet, it's not done yet! I loved that.

Sometimes I've wondered about the places I've been, because the roads have been sometimes rocky, or haven't looked like roads at all, more like wilderness. I've been known to ask Him in retrospect, "why did You lead me THAT way?" To which, I usually am answered, "Jen, YOU chose that detour..." Okay. True.

Last week, a worker came by and left a very large wood stake with a note stapled to it, because I wasn't home at the time. The note asked me to place the stake where I'd like my sewer hookup to be. Me?! He wants me to pick out the best spot? Who am I to pick this spot out? I am not an engineer. I don't know what the most advantageous spot would be. Sure I could figure out the shortest. But heck, I don't know where the gas line is. I have no knowledge of what the rest of the plan is. He put the stake in a spot in my yard where they'd pick for it to go. I left it there.

It's better left to the Expert.

5Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

'Tis the season to be jolly....

2009-08-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

August 27, 2009

This blog is about the polkadots in my life... thought I'd give you a visual blog of some of them today! What gifts I've been given...

Keelin at Englishman River Falls...

Candan taking a break at the park...

Watermelon contest at the church picnic!

My surfer dude inside his driftwood fort.

Celebrating the season filled with wonder and smiles, sand in my toes, and joy in our hearts! It's not over yet! Loving each day left of our fleeting summer days, and enjoying the bountiful blackberry harvest, too. Well, off to the beach!

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

Book review: The furious longing of God, Brennan Manning

2009-08-21T15:17:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently checked out a book from the library. She began reading, and to her surprise, she discovered that a previous reader had done something simply shocking. He or she had gone in and edited the library book-- crossing words out, rearranging text, rewriting the book in the margins. Could you imagine the nerve of that person, defacing the book as well as the author's intentions?

Yet, however, it's just exactly what I want to do with the book, The furious longing of God, by Brennan Manning. Throughout the book, the temptation is strong to edit it just a little. You see, the book is just almost great. It really could be. If only I could read less of the author, and read more about the Author.

The book opens with praise for Brennan Manning's writing-- three pages of praise for him. Followed by a foreword about Brennan Manning, followed by his life story, and it's forty (yep, forty) pages in before "fury" is defined as it relates to God.

Once Manning shifts gears, and gets to talking about God instead of himself, I am enthralled with his descriptive observations of the varied aspects of the character of our God, the intricacies of His mercy, the hope we have in His amazing love, His awesome power. I am fascinated with wonder and awe in the way he describes the furious love of God for me, and I am carried away to a place of worship. Then, every now and then, I trip over sentences which remove me from the place Manning had intended to take me, the sentences where he interjects himself back into the text. Again, I'd just love to edit these out.

Manning's overriding premise, however, is an invitation to accept that God's love is real, intense, intimate, and one to be embraced with the same reckless abandon with which God loves us. Manning got this part right. This I wouldn't dare touch. It's these moments of brilliance and truth that make this a worthwhile read.

After all these years, still writing book reports.

2009-08-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

August 21, 2009

I have discovered that through many book publishing houses, PR firms, or other literary websites, that, if you have a blog and you like to read, that you can be sent many books free, provided that you publish a review of the book on amazon.com/ chapters.ca, and your blog. I have managed to obtain all my summer reading this way. Oh, and plus I won a contest at the beginning of summer in which I won 8 books! I can't believe how much I've read this summer... it's been so wonderful, as I feel I am finally recovering from years of a reading drought, having small children in my lap tugging away at whatever was in front of me. I loved that phase, too, but reading didn't happen. I forgot really how much I enjoy reading, and I've been sent some amazing selections. :) So, from time to time, I will be posting my reviews!

Counting up some blessings....

2009-08-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

August 20, 2009

Been a busy week around here, having lots of good summer fun still going on, as you could probably tell by my lack of posts! Just wanted to stop and count a couple blessings in our family this week...

Brad and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary last Saturday the 14th. I can't believe it's been ten years already! That Brad has been able to put up with me for ten whole years is all a God thing, I know for sure! We had a great dinner out together, thanks to our good friends for kidsitting, topped off with, I had to try one, a deep-fried Snickers bar, topped with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Whoa... waaay good, but I am sure you can't have too many if you want to make it to your twentieth anniversary without severely clogged arteries and a good case of diabetes.

After we got home from our dinner out, we came home to a message on our machine saying my sister-in-law was at the hospital ready to deliver her baby! What a surprise!! She wasn't due till October. She was suspicious of the baby's lack of movement, and voiced her concerns to her doctors. They performed a few tests over a couple days, and decided that the safest course of action was to deliver the baby. So, on August 15 (New Zealand time), Theo was born, eight weeks early and a whopping 5lbs 3 oz!! I'm an Auntie! :) Turns out, Theo was exposed to listeria, and had bacterial meningitis, which may have been fatal if he hadn't been delivered right then. He and Mommy are doing well. Yay God again! :)

We had a day and a half of rain last week too, which I am listing as a blessing, even though everyone on my facebook and elsewhere doomed it as the end of our glorious summer. We've resumed our beautifully warm weather this week, it's not over just yet. We needed our rain badly, and I think it serves as a simple example that sometimes we don't see God's hand and His purpose in the things we're given. But, God gives us things in a different way than we think He should.

Anyways, that's what's going on here... all polkadotted and wonderfully good. I am so thankful.... God is good all the time!

Praise the LORD, for the LORD is good;
Sing praises to His name, for it is lovely. Psalm 135: 3

Confidential to my friend, returning your email very belatedly: I am so glad that you are sensing God calling you. He is, you know. I think it's exciting! I know what you mean by you being scared about losing yourself and feeling you'd be hiding behind religion. For me, "losing" myself was the best thing that happened to me, and was when I really found myself and began knowing really who I am. And my advice is, don't hide behind religion. That would be a scary thing. Don't follow a religion, follow God... there's a HUGE difference! Keep me posted!

Looking for my sense of humor...

2009-08-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

August 11, 2009 (Happy Birthday, Dad!)

The other day at the park, Candan knocked my hand that was holding my rack of Scrabble tiles. Seven little lettered squares were sent flying through the air. I managed to recover six of them, but my J was missing somewhere in the grass. I was on my knees, head down, looking for the dark blue tile in the green grass, when Keelin snuck up from behind me without me seeing her, took her green Gatorade water bottle (you know, like hockey players use) and squeezed it out onto my head.

*SO COLD!*

*SO RUNNING DOWN MY NECK AND MY SHIRT!*

*SO SHOCKING!*

Frustrated already by having lost a Scrabble tile from a set that wasn't mine, I got really mad at Keelin and sent her away on a time out. I dried off, gained my composure, found the missing J....

and I found myself in tears....

whenever did I lose my sense of humor that I would get so mad over that??!

Her intention was to make me laugh-- to cool me off, not get me steaming mad.

I later apologized to my Sweet Beez for my overreaction.

I'm hoping you'll help me find my sense of humor.... send me a comment in the comment box that you think would make me smile! A joke, a story, a poem, a quote, a "hello", whatever you think... :)

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter

And your lips with shouting. Job 8:21

Mr. Del and my dinner guests...

2009-08-10T17:37:00.000-07:00

Had a horribly lazy weekend, though not really by choice... my back went out on Friday (it was doing so good, too... it'd been forever!) and Brad was sick too. We're having guests (whom I've never met!) for dinner tonight, and well, after having done NOTHING on the weekend, I had a lot to do today. I put on my Windows Media Player on the computer and listened to some tunes while I worked on getting the house straight. After Cradlesong (lovin' it...) was over, this album came on, which I got for free off of amazon.com. This song keeps standing out to me, and it just is so groovy to dust to... here's the song, enjoy! I have stuff working in my head for tomorrow...

Campfire ban...

2009-08-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

August 6, 2009

Because it's been such a weirdly dry summer this year, all of Vancouver Island is under a campfire ban. These bans happen quite a lot down at the central and southern parts of the island, usually by the end of July or so, but rarely does it happen up at the north end of the island. So when we went camping last weekend on the northern tip of the island at Cluxewe, we were affected too.

When we went there in June, we had a campfire practically our whole weekend long-- lots of S'mores, grilled sandwiches with our sandwich irons that you stick in the fire, and fire-roasted hot dogs.

Things were very different this last trip. We grilled our hot dogs on the barbeque, did the sandwich irons over the camp stove, and yes, our marshmallows, too. It was just not the same. As I unpacked our bags in front of the washing machine, there wasn't even that wonderful smoky smell to our worn clothes. Though we had a blast camping, our fire was an element of our trip that was sorely missed.

It's one thing to keep your campfire down for safety, but it's another to hide your fire for God, out of fear, or disobedience, or whatever. Sometimes I think I do. I pray that it becomes increasingly hard to keep down the light that God gives me to reflect His glory. I want to take the opportunities to share my story when I'm given it. I think too often I let those times go. But I want to be all about shining my light, to shine how good He's been to me. I even want my clothes to smell like it. :)

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:15

Indiana Jen and the Temple of Fruit... (sequel to Raiders...)

2009-08-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Competent Communicator Speech #5, "Your Body Speaks"... requirements for the speech are the use of hand gestures and body language to make your speech more effective. (so picture my hands moving as you read... hehehe)

I declared war.

War on blackberries.

You see, I live on 1/3 of an acre, and along our entire back fence behind our house are blackberries. Miles and miles of vines all peeking through or cascading over our fence, and trailing into the garden beds, suffocating the real plants I'd like to keep in their beds. You might say, Ask your neighbors to remove them? Well, that wouldn't work, because the eight feet behind our fence is our property too. It's entirely our problem to deal with.

Some might say that I am lucky. Blackberries are yummy in the summertime, right. Nope. Not at all lucky. You see, these vines are just plain invaders. Back in the main section of the bush some fruit does grow. The vines however, do nothing but trail their very thorny ropes all through the garden without fruit, and they make it all but impossible to get at the fruit it does bear.

This past spring, I was given a new tool for my arsenal against these dreadful invaders. A machete. You don't plug it in, but man, what a power tool! I took it out of its canvas sheathe and admired the shine of the blade. As I held the wooden handle, I was transported into a movie... suddenly, I would become Indiana Jen, slashing my way through the jungle and clearing a path on a search for treasures past. Namely, my roses.

I stood there in my garden, took a stance, closed my eyes, and swung the blade at my enemy.

I opened my eyes expecting to see my giants having been felled... but instead... nothing.

You see, my blade wasn't sharp.

I had borrowed it, and it needed a little sharpening.

After a good sharpening... I was back at it... I climbed back into the carpet of vines, wondering what exactly was underneath. You see, Indiana Jen has the same fear of snakes as Indiana Jones....

This time, as I swung and chopped at the beasts, one by one they fell in surrender. I cut them all off to the top of the fence. Victory was mine. (This year, anyway.....)

I've made a fascinating discovery now in midsummer about what I had done to my vines. Every vine I've hacked back now bears a huge, beautiful bundle of fruit, just about now ripened. I am about to reap the biggest harvest of blackberries I've ever had, because I cut down most of the plant. Now if you think about it, that is sort of counterintuitive. The more vines you have, the more fruit you'll bear, you'd think, right? The more you have, the more you have?

It was then that I saw the metaphor.

It's not productive to just spread out and trail along aimlessly. It looks like you're growing, but if you're not producing its fruit, then it's not real growth. In fact, you may be inhibiting someone else's growth, and suffocating them. Fruit is the product of real growth. And if you're just spread too thin, or not effective in an area, cut it off. Even if you're doing something good, but it's not bearing fruit, cut it off. To have focus, to have a purpose, gives you reason to blossom and fruit you will bear for a plentiful harvest.

"Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. "John 15:2

Back home and on the laptop... :)

2009-08-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

August 4, 2009 (wow, already...)

Camping was great... we had so much fun, and though Candan didn't catch any fish, he still had fun with his new rod and reel that lights up when you crank the handle. His mommy threaded his first hook on his line. I feel so proud :)

Shannon and I kayaked out far away from the rest of the world to a place where there weren't any footprints on the beach except for ours. (not even bear footprints, a good thing, I think...)

and I have so much to write about that adventure. Shannon asked while we were paddling how many blogs I was writing in my head, because I was being really quiet. She knows me, eh? "About five!" I answered. It's true :)

I can't write out any of them however, today, because I have Speech #5 to give tomorrow at Toastmasters, and well, I was too busy camping to write and practice it. So, that's what today is all about in between caring for my little barfy girl. Poor thing, missed all the s'mores while she was sleeping with a fever.

I am doing my speech on the blog I wrote back in April... Indiana Jen and the Raiders of the Lost Garden, with a few modifications, and a different conclusion :) I'll post it as soon as I am done.

relief!

2009-07-31T11:56:00.000-07:00

Oh, I can't begin to tell you how much more bearable it is today! It's cooled significantly, the breeze is up, and makes it much easier to pack up the van. I can even capitalize my letters! Yay for answered poem prayers :)

We're off to do some camping and some fishing up island for our August long weekend. I really love the idea of the August long weekend. Such a perk living here! I think that the US should catch on and do the same! There's way too much time between July 4 and Labor Day. YAY for B.C. Day!

Have a great weekend... I will be computer-free for three days! :)

i haven't written one since the sixth grade, but here's a poem.

2009-07-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

well, it must be the heat because in my delirium i've written a poem. i don't write poems, and i'll prove it by publishing it. it's not some literary device to write all in lower case, it's just that it's too hot to shift to caps, and the computer on my lap is no help. lol :)

it's hot...

it's so bloomin' hot...

and all i can think about is how hot it is....

i love the heat, but not this time...

it bears down on me and i feel so dry

i'd love relief but it's not in sight....

for my weary frame, achy heart, tired eyes

a window breeze a single drop

of rain from the sky...

would break this drought and give me shade

sometimes i wonder why it is that

i am afraid

that i have to wait in hope to see your grace

and your mighty works

upon this place

lord restore my soul restore my faith

give me water that i wouldn't thirst and

give me shelter from the worst

o lord refresh me, protect me,

act in your own time

that i might know it was divine

and o my lord i'll praise you so

because because you love

like no one i know

to spare one like me from heat and from drought,

from sin and pain and

faithlessness and doubt

and though i wait, so hot and dry

one day i know

you will provide.

⁵Great is our Lord and abundant in strength;
His understanding is infinite.
⁶The LORD supports the afflicted;
He brings down the wicked to the ground.
⁷Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;
Sing praises to our God on the lyre,
⁸Who covers the heavens with clouds,
Who provides rain for the earth,
Who makes grass to grow on the mountains.
⁹He gives to the beast its food,
And to the young ravens which cry.
¹⁰He does not delight in the strength of the horse;
He does not take pleasure in the legs of a man.
¹¹The LORD favors those who fear Him,
Those who wait for His lovingkindness. Psalm 147:5-11

God fireworks

2009-07-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

July 27, 2009 (happy 9th birthday yesterday, Candan! how'd you get to be 9 already?!)

Last weekend in Nanaimo is the huge "Bathtub Racing Festival"... it's a huge deal, people come from all over to go watch racers race their bathtubs around the little islands, and the whole thing culminates with a huge fireworks display at the beach downtown on Saturday night. I didn't feel like fighting crowds and the whole bit, so we'd planned a quiet evening at home, watching an old episode of SuperFriends on the Retro channel. When our living room glowed gold, and knowing that over across the strait in Vancouver there was a lightning warning, we sat up from our chairs, ran for the van, and headed for our beach. God put on the most amazing light show, and we didn't even need to fight for a parking spot! Praise Him! :) We missed it, but apparently, there was a double rainbow in the sky shortly before we got there, too, if you can imagine!

Be patient with my grainy video...the first one I just wanted to show what our view was, the west, the sun setting, and the south, the lightning storm in the distance.... we didn't know which way to look! I hardly got the very best ones on video... but you get the idea. What a God sighting we had!

I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. ...17 The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth. Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. Psalm 77:12-14, 17-18

A major threat...

2009-07-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

While I work away on the post I had said I might do earlier this week, been thinking on it lots but can't quite finish my thought yet... I found this article this morning that follows...

It's important to remember not to take the fact that I can write my blog (or procrastinate on it, anyway...) for granted, and that I can own a Bible (or several) without fear, and that so many have to believe in secret. That following Jesus has a cost... but one with such amazing rewards!

"Only the founder of the country, Kim Il-sung, and his son, Kim Jong-il, may be worshipped, in mass public displays of fervour." Yeah, I'd view Jesus as a major threat, too, if I were him, eh, Pharoah? Nebuchadnezzar? Saul? Haman? You get my drift....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8167644.stm
North Korea 'executes Christians'
By Andre Vornic BBC News

North Korea views religion as a threat to its state ideology
Human rights groups in South Korea say North Korea has stepped up executions of Christians, some of them in public.
The communist country, the world's most closed society, views religion as a major threat.
Only the founder of the country, Kim Il-sung, and his son, Kim Jong-il, may be worshipped, in mass public displays of fervour.
Despite the persecutions, it is thought up to 30,000 North Koreans may practise Christianity secretly in their homes.
A report by a number of South Korean groups highlights one particular case of a woman allegedly executed in public last month, in a northern town close to the Chinese border.
She was accused of distributing Bibles, spying for South Korea and the United States and helping to organise dissidents.
Her parents, husband, and children were sent to a prison camp.
Such reports are hard to verify, but North Korea is known to be intolerant of religion - it views any form of alternative social organisation as a competitor for its own, religion-like ideology.
The US government says just owning a Bible in North Korea may be a cause for torture and disappearance.
Pyongyang's position appears to have hardened on everything from human rights to defence policy and international relations in the last year or so.
It is thought this may be a way to shore up the government through Mr Kim's illness and the process of anointing his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, as North Korea's next leader.

13O my God, make them like the whirling dust, Like chaff before the wind. 14Like fire that burns the forest And like a flame that sets the mountains on fire, 15So pursue them with Your tempest And terrify them with Your storm. 16Fill their faces with dishonor, That they may seek Your name, O LORD. 17Let them be ashamed and dismayed forever, And let them be humiliated and perish, 18That they may know that You alone, whose name is the LORD, Are the Most High over all the earth. Psalm 83:13-18 (emphasis mine)

Later alligator...

2009-07-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

You know, you post it online how you want to be more productive, more focused, more purposeful, and the next thing you know, you've just had about the most mindless, most distracted week. Ever. Frustrating. Gotta rely on His strength to not feel so tempted to flake out, not relying on my own, like I have been doing... I am going to try to write this afternoon... no promises, though!

Skillet song turned VBS :)

2009-07-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

It's my favorite, absolute favorite, week of the year--- VBS :)
I love it, it's exhausting, but so much darn fun... we're doing "Crocodile Dock"-- a bayou theme... so cute, and what a great excuse to wear a coon skin hat. I mean, how often do you get to do that?

The week is all about having no fear, because God is with us, God is powerful, God does what He says He'll do, God gives us life, and God cares for us! Such great things for kids to know, that they don't have to be afraid (wish I'd known that!) because God is good all the time!
Here's the day 2 song! We rocked the "dock" with this one :)

I will show you that I am the Lord. Exodus 7:17

Life in HD

2009-07-13T16:12:00.001-07:00

We broke down and did it...

Well, actually, our TV broke down and we had to do it. The colors started flickering and getting saturated, words were blurry, and it wasn't starting up right away, and so we made the decision to upgrade our television.

Oh man... It's pretty darn unbelievable.

Candan walks in to the living room after Brad had set it up. Brad's watching football (CFL) highlights from the night before, and the eight year old stops short of the couch, awed."Wow...!", His exclamation prompted a large, proud smile on his daddy's face.... Pretty much says it all. Wow.

The message last Sunday was on escapism... Yup, that's me! There's so much I love to distract myself with. The new TV is no exception. I already know how much useless time I spend on the computer... I so want my computer time to be productive instead!

I want my time to be spent wisely, clearly purposed... Highly Defined...

but right after I watch the All-Star Home Run Derby...

*sigh*

What a work in progress am I.

a funny quote I found today:

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation, but would like it to keep in touch. ----Robert Orben

Oh, so true...

So teach us to number our days,That we may present to You a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

07-08-09!

2009-07-08T18:00:00.000-07:00

I love numbers, well, not as much as I love words, but today's a cool day as far as numbers go!

Today's 07-08-09 :) (should I wait and post it at 10:11 pm? hehehe...)

Oh, I did speech number 4 today for Toastmasters and I feel like I did well. And no notes!

Here's the transcripts of my speech today, taken from the notes from the women's retreat I spoke at... minus the part where best friends should lead you to dependence on God rather than dependence on themselves...

Speech #4 Poets, Giant Slayers, and Roses....

In my last speech, If you remember, I gave the statistic that 1 in four people have no one to confide in. And this is troublesome, because people who lack social ties but had good health habits were three times more likely to die than those with social connections, regardless of their weight, eating habits or smoking. I concluded that it's better to eat twinkies with friends than eat broccoli alone. I talked about how to reach out and make friends and why.

But do you ever have those friendships that just happen? When you've just met, but you feel like you've known each other forever? Those friendships that don't take time to develop-- they're knit together....

The story of David and Jonathan in the Bible is one of those. David, you've probably heard of. David, as a shepherd boy, shot his slingshot and knocked down the giant Goliath. Jonathan was the son of king Saul. Jonathan was the heir apparent to the throne of Israel, but knew that God appointed David the future king of Israel. They're two very different people. David smelled like sheep, Jonathan smelled like royalty, but they meet and find themselves knit together in friendship.

So, what makes a best friend? What kind of person do you want to be able to confide in? We can see a lot of elements of a good friendship by looking at theirs.

A best friend is one who is like a poet to us. David was a poet. He wrote about half the psalms in the bible. He was expressive and reflective. Now, your friends don't have to be actual poets or artists, but what I mean by a poet is someone who sees things differently than ourselves. Someone with a different perspective of the world, and likes to think and see the beauty in things.

A good friend is a giant slayer. You want a friend who isn't afraid to take risks and try big things. I want someone in my corner who isn't afraid to go big for me.

A good friend is willing to sacrifice their big dreams to help you achieve yours. Jonathan gave up his ambitions of being the future king in order to help David reach his dreams. He sacrificed a great deal, including his relationship with his father.

Now, good friendships do have a cost. Friendships can be painful, but the rewards outweigh the risks.

We should view our friendships like roses. Friendships are wonderful and quite beautiful when handled carefully. Every once in a while, a thorn can stick us. Like the rose not wanting to stick and hurt the gardener on purpose, so are the hurts in our friendships. We all agree that "nobody's perfect", right? When we have been hurt in our relationships with friends we need to remember that, and we shouldn't be shocked by it. That most often, it's carelessness or selfishness that has caused our friend to hurt us. That it was out of not thinking about their actions or thinking of themselves first, rather than direct intention to cause us pain. I know that's often the case when I've stuck my friends, that I was thinking of my own needs above my friend's. Often our friends don't know that they've hurt us. When wounds aren't tended to, they get infected. Such is the grudge that can form by a wound in a friendship that festers. Tend to the wounds. Apply a salve of love. Love covers a multitude of sins.

Friendships have thorns, but also rewards. Life is better when we have poets, giant slayers, and the sweet aroma of roses in our lives. And someone to eat Twinkies with.

contradictions...

2009-07-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

The Bible is full of contradictions.

That's right.

You heard me. Contradictions. All through it.

Before I began following Jesus, that's what I used to say when people asked me why I didn't believe the Bible. "It's full of contradictions." Had I ever read the Bible when I claimed this? No, it was just something I had heard and decided was true. So someone challenged me on this. "Show me where," she said. I still am trying to find one. And believe me, I looked hard. You see, the Bible is perfectly consistent from cover to cover. Down to the most minute detail.

So why do I say that the Bible is full of contradictions?

Popular belief says that Kings should be born in palaces. The Bible says that Saviors are born in stables. Luke 2

Popular belief says that "It's all about me!" The Bible says die to your old self... Romans 6

The world says, "Seek power, earn it, you deserve it". The Bible says, "Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted." Matthew 23:12

The world says, "You don't need any help. You can do it yourself." The Bible says, "for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5

The world says, "If it feels good, do it." The Bible says, "There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death." Proverbs 16:25

The world says "freedom" is "doing what you want"... The Bible says freedom is serving one another. "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." Galatians 5:13

The list goes on.

It made me think-- How could a book that goes so against what popular belief is, and so consistent in its message written over hundreds and hundreds of years, in different regions of the world, by different authors in different stages, positions, cultures, etc, in life be inspired by popular belief?

And how did Jesus manage to fulfill all those Old Testament prophecies? Because He wasn't God? And why would He claim to be, if He wasn't? Was He lying? Or crazy? I mean most people do agree that Jesus is a great teacher. But He said He was God. What do you do with that?

Who do I say Jesus is? Well, I think Stephen Colbert said it right, "What's the son of a duck? It's a duck. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, and it can raise the dead like a duck.... It's a duck."

Father of "lights"

2009-07-04T17:52:00.000-07:00

July 4, 2009 (Happy Independence Day!)

Once again, I was running late.

Big surprise there, but I was actually, for once, doing some important things. I was getting all the details together to renew my Permanent Resident card, so that I can go to and from the States, and it expires of all days, the 4th of July. Brad kept joking that they were going to deport me, and I'd spend the Fourth in California with fireworks. But yeah, it was getting late for me to drop the kids at the park program, get to my hair appointment, then to the post office. With the kids dropped off, I had eight minutes to get to my appointment, which usually I allow twenty minutes to get to. Now, my hairdresser is great, and very popular, and it took me two weeks to get this appointment, so I didn't want to miss it. It's only a half hour appointment.

I was bred with a California foot, which at times, gets lead-heavy on the gas pedal. So I really have to watch out, and not be tempted to go full board and speed, especially since they have all these things on the highway that blink at you with the number of your speed in bright red lights, and police staked out just beyond them. I didn't want my $20 hair cut to cost $175, if you know what I mean. So, I had this conversation with God in the car.

Oh, Lord, you know I want to speed... don't let me... Lord, but get me to this appointment on time...

Oh, Lord, let me make this light... oh, please, Lord, please, I know it's green, but hold it for me....

The yellow lights ahead of the signal (it's a Canadian thing) started flashing, and then the light turned yellow, then red.

Oh, Lord... what happened? Not this one! This one takes forever, and I needed to make the light..???

God answered me with a calm, almost giddyness about me. "Someone else is late, too."

He gave me the next one. :)

But as for me, my prayer is to You, O LORD, at an acceptable time; O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness, Answer me with Your saving truth. Psalm 69:13

p.s. I made my appointment on time.

Camping lesson...

2009-06-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

June 30, 2009

Home from camping! Arrived home wearing a new perfume: Campfire no. 5. Everything was great... the tent was wonderful, the dungeness crabs freshly plucked from the water and steamed, melted butter on the side, wonderful! The kids, wonderful! The weather, well, wonderful, at times!

I used to camp in California, where the weather was warm and nice, guaranteed... the thing that had held me back from camping here was the seemingly everpresent threat of rain here in these parts. I just had images of sitting drenched from head to toe and shivering for a whole weekend, soaked socks, dripping hair, wet tent, soggy sleeping bag. It began to really bother me, because there's a gazillion places to camp here, and it's just what you do here in summer. I felt like I was cheating my family out of fun. I'd been reading in the Bible, "Suck it up, for I am with you always. " (Okay, so it says "fear not" but okay, it's a Jen translation) So, I figured I'd better get on with it, and deal. That's when I told Brad, that yes, it was okay to get all the gear. That we should go.

So, guess what.

It POURED rain our first night.

Brad had asked me Friday afternoon if he should tarp our site. I looked at blue sky and said no, don't bother. heheee... So it rained on our brand new tent all night long. It was nice to hear the sound of the rain at night, snuggled all cozy and dry inside. It rained into the morning. We enjoyed a good deal of beautiful sunshine on Saturday, and sat by the campfire, watched eagles, ate crab (well, I did), and walked on the beach (NO beach glass... *sigh*).

On Sunday, JUST as we were taking the tent down, the skies broke open so hard I was wondering if I shouldn't be fashioning an ark out of the tent poles. Rain ALL in the insides of the tent. I unhooked a piece from the tent and water that had collected on the top of the tent poured into my sleeves and all down my hair. Ten minutes later, we had blue sky and a tarp-wrapped, soaked nylon and mesh Coleman tent hastily shoved in the back of the van.

So, guess what.

I didn't melt.

It was all okay. It's funny how God makes you really face what you're fearing and makes you realize what you were fearing in the first place was really keeping you from having a good time or growing or experiencing life. I had this illusion of misery, my fear, and God gave a piece of it for me to experience, I have to say it was actually pretty funny instead. I wish I had a picture, but I'll have the memory forever.

I sought the LORD, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. Psalm 34:4,7

Camping...

2009-06-26T08:38:00.001-07:00

We bought this great big tent, and we're going to try it out beyond the backyard! :) Upon seeing the picture, a friend of mine commented, "that's not a tent, it's a Holiday Inn!" (it's 17x16 feet!) It's amazing how much stuff you need to take with you to go "get away from it all." Sleeping bags, food, tarps (essential for BC camping!), stove, etc.... I have been packing the back of the van since yesterday, and well, let's just hope the kids fit! I am actually, I know, crazy, leaving my laptop at home... so pray for me and my technology withdrawls (hehehe....)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and tabernacled (fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we [actually] saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth. John 1:14 Amplified Bible

Time to get silly! :)

2009-06-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

School's out! Yipee! :) Let the summer silliness begin!

Most of us would be upset if we were accused of being "silly, " but the word silly comes from the old English word "selig", and its literal definition is "to be blessed, happy, healthy, and prosperous." --Zig Ziglar

Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; Let those who love Your salvation say continually, "The LORD be magnified!" Psalm 40:16

School's (STILL) in session....

2009-06-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

School's STILL in... I can't wait for it to be done... Wednesday can't come soon enough! I think I am more impatient than the kids are. I can't wait to silence my alarm clock for a season... to not have to search for plastic containers for school lunch bags.... I can't wait to go camping this weekend.... I just can't understand why there's school this week at all. They're taking the kids down to the beach and to the park during classtime. But I want to be doing that instead! I am sure their teachers would be pleased as punch if I did it for them. Ah, the waiting.... I know I write about this verse a lot, but I can't help it, it's one of my favorites.

Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary. --Isaiah 40:31

The key to this verse, as I keep on hearing in my studies, is the waiting on the LORD... waiting on Wednesday, waiting on the weekend, or waiting on whatever the event may be, makes me weary and bored and impatient... but waiting on the LORD, that's where I am promised strength and eagle wings and all that good stuff.

(hahaha... that's so funny...went to copy the verse off of Bible gateway... I didn't know it was their verse of the day! God must know of a lot of people waiting on summer vacations, weddings, babies being born, and all kinds of reasons to pace the floor!)

The truth about complimentary continental breakfasts...

2009-06-19T22:50:00.001-07:00

June 19, 2009

I am staying away from home at a hotel in Abbotsford (a ferry ride and about an hour's drive away from Vancouver) for these three days while I am at the Refresh Women's Leadership Conference. Four of us girls are packed into this one room, and last night we were extensively discussing what we should do about the breakfast thing the next morning. The conversation continued again this morning.

You see, we were offered a complimentary continental breakfast.

Do you see the dilemma here?

Complimentary continental breakfast.

What the heck does that mean?

Do you have an image of a complimentary continental breakfast in your mind?

See, when I was 22 I took the coolest road trip around the states, and stayed at the cheapest motels in the AAA book that had advertised a complimentary continental breakfast. I think I saw about 30 states, so about 30 different motels, and therefore, about 30 different versions of the complimentary continental breakfast. Some were good, some um, well, you get what you pay for.

So, this morning, should we stay in the hotel for the breakfast... after all, complimentary! Or, should we venture out really quick for a real breakfast? We don't have a lot of time, should we leave early, or just risk it?

We decided to check it out, the complimentary continental breakfast. And you know what? It was, so thankfully, not a sticky box of picked-over glazed donuts and cherry danish opened next to a pot of coffee made at 4am. What relief! No, this was continental breakfast in the best sense of the term. There were croissants, bowls of oranges and apples, muffins, English muffins ready next to a toaster, six jars of different cereals, coffee, juice, and little circles of scrambled eggs which were a little too suspiciously perfect circles to look anywhere near appetizing, so I skipped those. (I think eggs break the continental breakfast rule anyway, do they not?) My lovely little breakfast consisted of Raisin Bran, a croissant, passion-orange-guava juice, and coffee.

We had morning worship, and then a speaker, lunch, then our break out sessions. We had to join a group based on pretty vague titles that describe loosely where our leadership roles take us-- truth, justice, (the American Way... no, just kidding...), nurture, strength, identity, and change. So, I picked truth. I lead Bible studies. I dig truth.

We talked about absolutes... do we have absolute truth, and if so, how do we know? How do we know God exists?

God has revealed Himself in so many ways to us. To me, personally, in my life, but to everyone collectively. Creation cries out His majesty, His workmanship. He gave us the Bible, and we talked about all the different manuscripts, and all that He did to bring us His Word and how that it is reliable. How He gave us each a conscious, a moral compass, to be led by-- that everyone innately knows it's wrong to knock an old lady down and steal her purse. We talked about how He sent Jesus to tell us, we know that people have experienced Him, and have had special revelation, such as dreams (like me) and visions.

We talked about how leading from what God has said. When we know what we believe, we can lead from our convictions, that we can be sure. That we can go from strength to strength. That when we make decisions based not on what we believe, that things become haphazard, and that's when we go from crisis to crisis. Therefore, it's crucial to know what you believe.

We talked about asking for wisdom to know the truth, and to be able to share it for people to respond to.

And, we talked about being clear with each other in explaining the truth. Our teacher reminded us that it's crucial to define our terms. That when you talk with someone about say, "joy", that you both need to understand what you both mean by that, that Biblical joy is much different than the world's view of joy.

Or like in defining "complimentary continental breakfast."

Isn't there something satisfying in knowing that there's things that are absolute? It's been neat to see different people worshipping this weekend in different ways, praying different prayers, but all knowing that it's the same God we're all talking about. When we have a common understanding of the truth, we are built up, we have strength, protection, a perimeter, a guide, and, because of God's great love and mercy, salvation. Absolutely wonderful!

Praise the LORD, all nations;
Laud Him, all peoples!
²For His lovingkindness is great toward us,
And the truth of the LORD is everlasting.
Praise the LORD! Psalm117

The Sorting Hat (Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!)

2009-06-18T13:42:00.000-07:00

June 15, 2009

There's been huge excitement in our house for days about "the sorting hat". It's a huge year-end tradition here at school for the kindergarteners. They sit on a stool in the middle of the gym with this purple velvet and silver-starred wizard hat placed on their heads. The voice of the hat comes out of the air (speaker) and tells them which of the four house teams they get placed on--very Harry Potter. (House teams are for spirit days, game days and such. They stay on their team on through 7th grade.) It's like a graduation of sorts, as the kindergarteners join the rest of the school. They get to join their new house team for the school wide games day tomorrow.

Finally, this morning, the day of the "sorting hat" arrived, after an entire weekend of speculation. She had talked about wanting to be on "Fire Storm"-- the red team. I don't know why that one, maybe so she could wear red. Her brother's on the yellow team--"Solar Storm" so she didn't want to be on the same team as him. I think partly because she doesn't have the perfect yellow outfit for it.

Keelin waited and waited for her turn very patiently. Most of her class had already joined their teams, and there Keelin was among the final three, sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the gym floor in her little pink dress and pig tails, smiling and waving at her mommy in the audience. She was so cute. (she's always cute, but especially just then, despite being in the middle of the whole school, everyone looking straight at her. Usually a moment at which she'd be apt to panic a little.) Her turn came up. She leapt up to the stool and her teacher balanced the hat on her two pigtails. The smile melted her mommy all over the floor....

FIRE STORM! the hat called. She jumped off her stool and joined her new team.

Isn't it good to belong? To be part of something greater than yourself for a common goal.... God calls us out of darkness and onto His team. He chooses us first, but we have to choose Him back.

(This is just how far I got the other day... was going to add to it, but I think it's okay the way it is...just gonna post it, and maybe I'll find the cute video on my camera in the morning.) I'm away right now at this women's leadership conference and I have so much to think on and process tonight!

Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you. 2 Peter 2:10

I'm writing... really!

2009-06-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

I started a post the other day, and then had to run to Bible study before I could finish it... and yesterday was nutzo, beyond nutzo.... I have been driving kindergarteners to swimming lessons this morning, and I am off to Toastmasters in a couple minutes. I had to give up my speaking spot today because I haven't had a single solitary minute to practice. But I will finish it (God willing!) today, and I will have something I hope later on... maybe even with a cute little video! :) Then it's off to pack for a women's leadership conference over on the mainland in Vancouver for three days starting Thursday. Busy me!

When I don't feel like it...

2009-06-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

June 8, 2009

I really don't feel like writing. I don't know why that is. I feel prompted to write more out of obligation to my blog, but I really don't feel like it. I'm sitting here staring at the screen, without an idea of what to write about, so I guess we'll see where this leads. I feel like I should be writing that I am happy about having done my public speaking debut at the women's retreat last Saturday. But I don't honestly know how I feel about it. I don't have that wonderful feeling of satisfaction over it, because I actually don't feel like it was anything about that. My having a feeling of satisfaction over it. I wasn't speaking for my own glory, and really wanted to keep it that way, and said a lot of prayer to that effect. So, there it is. I did it, and I feel all numb about it. In a good way I think. The mere fact that I am still alive after it testifies that that's all a God thing, because if you'd seen me stand up in front of the class in the fourth grade with all the tears and all the torture, and then Saturday night... you'd think yeah, that was God. I truly hope He had some glory in it, because that was its one and only purpose. I kinda thought, that maybe, just maybe, though, I would've heard a "good job, Jen" somewhere deep in my heart. Some kind of confirmation that what I said might have mattered to someone or accomplished a purpose of His somewhere. Nope.

I kinda was also hoping to have that feeling beforehand, too, one where I KNEW God was with me, that feeling of invincibility, calmness, and supernatural confidence of knowing I was pro surfing in a sweet spot inside a tube of a grace wave. Nope. Nothing. When everyone finished singing, and I knew it was my turn, knowing I couldn't retreat from this retreat, all I could think in my head was, "if I perish, I perish." Not exactly what I'd hoped for for inspiration.

I keep hearing something in Bible study, and Keelin's bringing Sunday school lessons home to the same end, and maybe it's a parallel. But maybe not, we'll see as I finish this post. That faith isn't a feeling. That sometimes our actions don't have to be preceded by a feeling. When God says, "Move!" we might not feel the happy, light feeling to move first. But the fact that He said "Move" should be enough. That faith is the evidence of things unseen. Those things, like "He'll never leave you," "I am with you always," are promises. And He is 100% faithful. It's a head thing, belief is. So when I was leaning really, really hard on those verses that God is "right by my side" and "in the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence" and when I prayed Moses' prayer about speaking He showed me that I don't have to "feel" Him to know that He's there. Hmm... it looks like someone got something out of the talk.

Ahh, confirmation. Imagine that. And I didn't even feel like writing.

Our soul waits for the LORD;He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him, Because we trust in His holy name. Let Your lovingkindness, O LORD, be upon us, According as we have hoped in You. Psalm 33:20-22

O What A Friend....

2009-06-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

Just some notes from the talk I am giving on Saturday night... If you're going to it, don't read till Sunday! :)

When you can't find a friend in the world
A friend in the world
Love is reaching down
When you can't find a friend in the world
A friend in the world
You got one now ---Matthew West, Chorus Lyrics from "A Friend in the World"(video at link)

Jesus....

...Is Caring
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

...Is Faithful
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. Deut. 7:9

For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. Psalm 33:4

Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass. 1 Thess. 5:24

... Is Patient
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. Psalm 103:8

...Is Teaching/Serving
14"If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15"For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. John 13: 14-15

...Is Listening
Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah. Psalm 62:8

"Furthermore I have heard the groaning of the sons of Israel, because the Egyptians are holding them in bondage, and I have remembered My covenant. Ex. 6:5

...Is Trustworthy/Honest
And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. Ps. 9:10

The LORD is my light and my salvation;Whom shall I fear?The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? Psalm 27:1

... Is Loving
O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;For His lovingkindness is everlasting.1 Chronicles 16:34

How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. Psalm 36:7

3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:3

... Is Understanding
The LORD by wisdom founded the earth, By understanding He established the heavens. Proverbs 3:19

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15

... Is Encouraging
17O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear Psalm 10:17

...Is Comforting
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;Bring me out of my distresses Psalm 25:17

My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Your word. Psalm 119:28

...Is Fair/Just/Full of Integrity
The Rock! His work is perfect, For all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness and without injustice, Righteous and upright is He Deut. 32:4

...Knows of the "real" me
Psalm 139

...and He allows me to whine :)
Psalm 38

I could go on and on. When we lose friends, they hurt us, or disappear when we find trouble, He never disappoints...O what a friend we have in Jesus.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Invisibility

2009-06-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

June 1, 2009

Candan asked me a little while ago which superpower I'd most want. I said, "Invisibility." Actually, even to have Wonder Woman's invisible jet would even be cool. Then again, on second thought, I could just see myself wandering around the parking lots at the mall, muttering to myself, "Where the heck did I park?!"

I don't know why I just shared that. I read this passage today as I was studying, and it fell on me anew, and thought I'd post it, so you wouldn't think I've totally abandoned ship. Been working on my talk for Saturday night and it's keeping me busy. :)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Where your proud waves halt...

2009-05-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

May 25-26, 2009

Had a great weekend... too bad not a three day weekend here, because the Sunday evening barbecue with friends topped off two beautiful, gorgeous, sunny, summerlike days at the beach, and it felt almost impossible to think about having to set an alarm clock in the morning. Kids swimming and digging, parents gabbing and tanning, barefeet tucked into warm sand... all good. Beaches here on my island are so beautiful. Behind you are large maple and cedar trees like you're in a forest, you sit on a sandy beach, scrub-covered, deserty looking islands just offshore, and then you look further out at the strait over at the BC mainland to see snowcapped mountains way in the distance. It's like everything beautifully wrapped into one scene. Two different friends said to me, "Jen, you have to write a blog about today." I was a little perplexed about what I'd write about exactly, but I found a verse while doing my Bible study-- a beautiful image of how God sets the limit of the seas, and the power and majesty, the creativity and the precision of my wonderful God.

"Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: ...Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? "Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt'?" Job 38:1, 4-11

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Genesis 1:31a

I have to agree.

My new favorite song...

2009-05-22T16:25:00.000-07:00

I know, two posts in one day, but I heard this song just now for the first time and laughed and laughed.... when he got to Q and said, qat, I turned to my friend, and said, "ooh, a great Scrabble word!" just before he said it in the song, which made me laugh even harder, and reminded myself that I don't have any Scrabble/Wordscraper/Lexulous games on my Facebook right now... poor Jen. Scrabble-less.

Crazy ABCs. Barenaked Ladies. Only at Yahoo! Kids. @ Yahoo! Video

You have to hang in there till the end, so funny.... Have a great weekend, and till keep the friendship comments coming, I have really been enjoying reading them! :)

Stirrup pants and other sins...

2009-05-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

The school dance, 9th grade, circa 1986
May 22, 2009

My friend in Toronto, Ellen, announced on her Facebook that she'd had her first "stirrup pant" sighting of the fashion season. She was horrified that she'd seen them in the first place, but it was at the THEATRE, no less. She added, thankfully, that the woman wearing them was not wearing heels with them. She brought further horror to her Facebook, by uploading the logo to the Au Coton store, and reminded us of the wonderful 80's trend of big lime green sweatshirts which coordinated with the lime green stirrups of times past. (My sweatshirt was orange. Riki's was white (she's the sensible one), Michelle had light blue. All with chunky socks, a butterfly clip at the bottom of the sweatshirt, hair scrunchy on one wrist. Oh, junior high school!) There was talk on Ellen's page, friends suggesting that there be placed a checkpoint at the Alberta/BC border as a stirrup pant quarantine zone to protect BC'ers from the trend.

Ellen is one of the wisest, godliest women I know. When she gives advice, I am going to take it. She commented that a woman, if they wore a trend the first time around, should be wise enough to pass on it as it comes around the second time. (She added, there need not be a reason to again look like an ice cream cone.)

Other bad trends I've partaken in: 70's Dolphin shorts, 80's miniskirts, Tom Cruise-esque Ray Bans, shoulder pads which I'm pretty sure could've held back "The Refrigerator" Perry, fluourescent t-shirts, the Duran Duran bleached bangs courtesy of Sun-In (see picture above), big hair, big bows, and black rubber o-ring bracelets a la Madonna. Oh, the eyelids of baby blue glitter eyeshadow I had...

I was about 13, sporting jeans, the skinny jeans with the zippers on the ankles, and told my mom I'd NEVER wear bell bottoms. She and I made a bet. Lunch at Spago's if I didn't wear bellbottoms till the year 2000. They'd NEVER come back in style... well, sure enough, they did, more like trouser pants, but that was part of the deal. Nothing with a wide bottom. I had to pass. I was going to win the bet. I wore a lot of skirts and straight legs, and I won.

Sometimes, it's easy to buck the trends, to not do what everyone else is doing. But sometimes, old habits are hard to break. Sometimes it's easy to fall into the patterns of the past, wanting what we used to have, like maybe it was better back then. It's easy to get nostalgic and idealize the things we shouldn't want anymore. I sometimes want the things of the world instead of the things that God wants for me. It's easy to slip back comfortably to the way it used to be, and not being the new creation that God made us to be, and is working out in us. For me, I want to stand out, to be different, to want God more than anything else. Considering the comfort of stirrup pants? If you think about it, stirrup pants were neither ideal nor comfortable. They worked against gravity, always wanting to go down, instead of staying up. You had to wear the stirrups under your socks, so you had to always fuss with them when you take them off. They're not the most flattering of apparel-- "ice-cream cone", Ellen says. Yeah, not so great if you think about it. So much for going backward. Set up the checkpoint.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

UR my BFF <3

2009-05-18T18:38:00.000-07:00

I am the speaker in a couple of weeks at a women's retreat-- the theme is friendship. Wondering if you could all do me a favor and tell me about a friend of yours. What makes them a good friend, what qualities do you admire in your friend, what drives that friendship... anything you think is relevant to explaining and helping me understand that friendship. Anyone can respond, you don't have to be a woman to answer. I am just curious to know your thoughts on what makes you appreciate your friends! Place your comments HERE :)

Thanks for your help,

Jen :)

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man's counsel is sweet to his friend. Proverbs 27:9

On "participating"...

2009-05-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

May 14, 2009

At Monday morning assembly they gave out all the awards for Candan's track meet last week. My mom and I sat in the back of the gym while my son stood there in front with a mitt-full of ribbons. She turned and whispered, "Aw, just think about the poor kids who didn't get anything..."

She does have a point. I do think of the poor kids who didn't get anything, but then, I do have a huge issue with the "participant" ribbon. Maybe it's because my kid's standing there holding a rainbow of satin. But maybe not. I don't think you should get a prize just for showing up. I think there should be something to strive for, some goal to reach, some incentive for success. And yes, not everyone can win first place, and yes there will be hurt feelings for those who don't place, but I think there should be something to aim for except "participant." If you know you're going to get praise for just being there, what's the point of trying to win it all? How much more valuable is it when you win?

I think it's easy to get sidetracked from what's most important. It's easy to just go through the motions. So often I think I just get by by participating, while I know there's something higher to be striving for. However, I so fear getting to heaven and being presented the "participant" ribbon. Do I want Jesus to say, "Thanks for participating, Jen." or "Well done, good and faithful servant!" ?

To win the prize, to finish well, to excel still more... that's what my calling is. That's what our calling is...

Finally then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God (just as you actually do walk), that you excel still more. 1 Thessalonians 4:1

My Mother's Day gifts :)

2009-05-13T10:10:00.001-07:00

I feel so privileged to be called "Mommy".

Barely out of bed Sunday, my kids brought me to the table so that I could open my Mother's Day presents. The kids each made something at school, and Keelin, being the crafty one, had an extra bag for me too. The kids had made clay wall hangers for me at school-- Keelin the kindergarten version, and Candan the grade 3 version. They're both adorable. Then came Keelin's extra present. What could it be? I hadn't seen her do any crafts really, the past few days, but she'd been making cards like crazy. Maybe I'd missed something. I unwrap the wrapping paper to uncover a lightbulb box. Not unusual, she usually fishes boxes out of the recycling bin to wrap presents.

I joke without opening the box, "Oh, thank you Beezie for my lightbulb!" I opened the box to reveal... a lightbulb. And not a new one, one that already had been used.

I'm pretty sure it's Rule Number Four* in the Mommy Handbook, that reads "Don't laugh at your kids' gifts." Well, I broke that one and good. I laughed myself to tears over this dead, dusty lightbulb. I don't know what made it so funny. But here's the thing, she knew I needed a lightbulb in the den, and, not knowing it was a dead one, she thought she was doing something very kind by giving me a lightbulb. How sweet is that? And how do you explain that she is gift enough for me!

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

*Number 1: Kiss and hug them often, except at school in front of their friends
Number 2: Hold their hands while crossing the street
Number 3: Dive in front of a bus, if necessary

Happy Birthday Beezie :)

2009-05-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it... my baby girl is 6 today. Oh, the days are long, but the years are so, so short! I can't get over it how big and "sponsible" Keelin is. What a crazy day it's been today on my "motorcycle ride"! I had a speech to give today at Toastmasters, which I tanked, but I am okay with that. I was going to video it when I rehearsed it so I could post it, but never had the chance. One day I will and post it on here. Candan's track meet was all day, and I got to see it in two parts. (I had to leave in the middle to ZOOOM across town to choke on my speech.) Candan placed first in his heat, and then went on to win the finals in the 100 meter race, so he gets to go to the zone finals. And, he's qualified for the long jump there too. Yipee! Then, it's out to dinner after Candan's soccer practice. We're going to Montana's, so Keezie Beezie can wear the moose antler helmet when they sing "Happy Birthday" to her. She actually wants to go so she can wear it. She never would have done that when she was five ;)! Ah, my babies are growing up.... here's the video my mom took of Candan winning his race in the finals. Candan's in blue on lane four. The girl screaming like she's on a roller coaster, yeah, that's me.

"Now my days are swifter than a runner....." Job 9:25a

ZOOOOOMM!

2009-05-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

May 4, 2009

(I don't think my parents know this story. Oh, well... they will now!)

When I was in high school, I worked at a movie theatre, and I had a crush on a really cute boy who worked there. Not a boy, he was way older, though I can't remember... 21 or so? :) Anyways, after work one night, he asked me if I wanted to go get something to eat with him. (Are you kidding?! *swoon* Yes!) So we went and he said he'd drive. His motorcycle. Now, my fear in high school (and through college, too) was this: I didn't want to be the well-liked, smart, oh-so-promising kid who ended up dying senior year, and being the tragedy. I didn't want to die a newspaper death.

So, I got on the back of his motorcycle, and I asked him to go slow. He agreed.

We drove down Santa Monica Blvd. and I was comfortable the way he was driving, and I thought it was actually really fun. And then he made a left turn. ONTO THE 405 FREEWAY! (hehehe, I had the shift button down when I typed the numbers, so it looked like THE $)% FREEWAY...let me tell you, on the back of the motorcycle, it was that, too!)

He had been going nice and slow and I was good and comfortable, and then...all of a sudden, he ZOOOOMMMED up the onramp and merged into traffic...What?! The 405, in the dark on a motorcycle, what about slow!!?! I was stunned. No, I was freaked out! The headline of my newspaper obituary flashed in my brain. I didn't know who God was at the time, but oh, you better believe I was on the phone dialing His number! He only went a quarter of a mile, the length of one exit (it was long enough!), and then got off to take me for a chocolate shake and some french fries. I think he saw the fear pasted all over my face when we got to the Johnny Rockets, because we took side streets on the way back.

The ZOOOOOMMM... well, I feel like that's what my life is about to be like for the next couple days... I just feel like someone hit the gas and shifted gears, and it's all close your eyes and hang on tight and I can't wait to get off this crazy thing! A lot of it is self-imposed, I am trying to do a lot in a little time, but I chose to get on the bike. However, I have to remember who my Driver is. (I trust Him way more.)

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalm 9:10

He put this song of praise in this heart of mine...

2009-04-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

I wrote the other day how confident I was about the milk delivery, how I really came to expect God to be there. But yesterday I was just blown away by answered prayer. I don't know why-- it was like I prayed, and hoped that God might show up, but if He didn't, I was okay with that. But He did! And it was tears-to-my-eyes, overwhelmingly good. Maybe because this prayer was a little bigger than a milk delivery. He cares about the little things, the little bigger things, and the great big things, and just that He is making Himself so evident in my life these days, is totally cool and all about grace. He doesn't have to prove Himself to me. Faith is the evidence of things unseen, afterall. But I'm not turning it down-- It's good! Really good (chocolate dessert goooOOOD!) I'm just so grateful to be flooded with provision and the care of my Wonderful God.

6Then Jonathan said to the young man who was carrying his armor, "...perhaps the LORD will work for us, for the LORD is not restrained to save by many or by few." 1 Samuel 14:6

Indiana Jen and the Raiders of the Lost Garden

2009-04-27T07:31:00.001-07:00

April 27, 2009

I was back at it on Saturday, working on clearing the blackberry vines that have cascaded over the back fence and suffocated the garden beds. I was armed with a new weapon for battle that afternoon--a machete! Man, what a cool thing! You don't plug them in, but oh, what a power tool. I had visions of slashing through the jungle and clearing paths like Indiana Jones seeking lost treasure of times past.

I climbed back into the back of the garden beds, holding my machete, and surveyed my enemy, with a different movie reference in my head.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my hostas, prepare to die!"

I seriously did. I know. I'm a nut case.

I swung the machete, expecting the giants to fall in surrender. I closed my eyes as I made contact with the vines, and opened them to claim my victory. But nothing happened. So I swung again. They just looked at me and laughed.

My machete wasn't all that sharp. Maybe why Brad let me use it in the first place. I have the back fence all cleared, but I had to use my garden shears instead. I was so disappointed.

Machetes are cool, but tools are useful only when they're sharp.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:17

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

Surprised

2009-04-25T12:49:00.001-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I downloaded this free song by Ten Shekel Shirt from Tangle, and it's become one of my favorites on my beach walks. It's still available free from them! It's too new, and there's no video for it yet on YouTube or Tangle. So go download it!

Walking up to your tomb to call your name.

To give you a new start, remove your shame

Its time to be surprised

I walk upon the seas of your grief

The wings of this world are no match for my peace

It's time to be surprised

So this lift your eyes

chorus: I'm with you with you in the middle of this

With you

With you through this time x2

I'm walking through the walls of your hiding space

to remove your fear put courage in its place

It's time to be surprised.

I walk along the room of your despair

you'll be confused until you see me there

It's time to be surprised

So lift your eyes

(Chorus 2x)

Every present help in time of need

This is one those times

Ooooohhhhh

Unclench your fist

Unfold your arms

And with your hearts and with your hearts hear me

I'm with you

In the middle of this

This with you..

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble, Psalm 46:1 NIV

My deliverer.... (oh, I crack myself up...)

2009-04-23T18:17:00.000-07:00

April 23, 2009

I'm in charge of the the kids' school's hot lunch program. Well, co-in charge. I usually do the easy part. I print the order sheet for the kids, and my co-in charge person does what I consider the hard part, the calling of the pizza or whatever place for the food delivery and Island Farms for the milk delivery. This week, my co-in charge person is at Disneyland. So, the hard part I did. I called last week and ordered pizza, and then I placed the order, or so I thought, last Thursday for our scheduled Tuesday's milk delivery. Tuesday came and went. No milk. I called on Wednesday morning, and they didn't have a record of my order.

I asked in my sweetest voice if they could possibly fit us in for Thursday's delivery (seeing how, it was hot lunch day on Thursday, and it would be really timely if that were to happen, but knowing that they REALLY don't like to do that) She said she'd call me back.

She called me back while I was sitting with my friend having our free Starbucks Earth Day coffee. She said, yes, they'd fit us in. Whew.... However, they couldn't guarantee me early delivery for lunchtime. Oh, well, I'll take it! I went back to enjoying my cup of coffee.

After I was off the phone, I told my friend the whole story about the milk, that they were delivering it Thursday morning just that when would still be an issue. I said to my friend half-jokingly, "I know it's not a problem, because God is totally concerned with my milk order."

I said it in half-belief at the time. But the sentence stuck with me. I relived that sentence in my brain. I resaid it again to myself. This time without giggling. God is totally concerned with my milk order. And more and more I believed it. God does care about my milk order, and every other little detail in this girl's life.

I walked into the front door of school this morning at 11:15 to get things ready for lunch. I was stopped by the school secretary. "Oh, Jen... the milk's here, it got here about an hour ago."

"Oh, yeah, I know."

God is good. He is my rock and my fortress, AND MY DELIVERER! :)

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. Psalm 139:2

Whatever....

2009-04-21T10:54:00.000-07:00

April 21, 2009

My laptop died. Gone. Finished. Doornail. Restored-to-factory-settings-and-still-won't-reboot dead. (It's three months old. GRRRR!) Keelin has pinkeye. The house is a mess and a half. I still can't find my Record of Landing. I failed the Love Dare on Day Two. On the weekend, I was angry at and frustrated with anything that moved, and some things that didn't. It was a terrible, terrible weekend.

I chalk it all up to my preparation to lead a Bible study called Contagious Joy. I know that there are forces at work constantly attempting to thwart my joy. And, with the study coming up, I suppose it was more urgent to stick it to me. However, joy isn't based on circumstances. So there! While, yes for a moment (or a weekend) my happiness was diverted.... my joy, not.

See, joy transcends circumstances. Joy comes from knowing that my name is written in heaven (Luke 10:20). The joy of the LORD is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Joy can't be taken away, I just have to choose it.

And to my circumstances, I stop to take a little perspective, and I say, with a big hand W on my forehead, in my best Valley Girl...."whatever...."

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

LOST!

2009-04-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

April 17, 2009

Keelin's growing at an alarming rate. She comes into my bathroom this morning as I was about to brush my teeth, and there she's standing, in the cutest little long-sleeved, purple-flowered dress, and pink tights, and she's asking where her hairbrush is so she can brush her hair. (Now, if you don't know this kid, she never brushes her very long hair. Not by herself, not by her mommy. Daddy only, and that's if he's lucky. And I didn't even ask her to go do it.) So, she wants to brush her hair all by herself, and she's looking for the brush, and she's just standing there so cute and sweet and taller than I've ever seen her. Asking this question that seems so grown up. Asking a question that was totally unprompted. So adorable. I wonder if God ever has the occasion to look down at me and think, wow, she's growing up so well...

Anyways... I'm looking for a lost library book right now. Actually I have to find my Record of Landing too. I need to find it so I can renew my Permanent Resident card that expires, of all days, July 4. And if I don't find it, well, I just might be celebrating July 4th in the US. (hehehe) But this morning, Keelin's library book is missing and it's library day at school. So I am typing instead of looking. Make any sense? No, didn't think so. But I've looked in all the usual places. The bed, the couch, the table... nowhere to be found. It is here somewhere. Funny that I read Keelin the parable the other night about the lost sheep. We'll still look until we find these things that are lost. Oh, and how we'll be thrilled when we do find them!

4"What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5"When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6"And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' 7"I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

God's in pursuit! He'll look until He finds... and oh, the thrill in heaven! :)

Eagle Paparazzi

2009-04-14T11:54:00.000-07:00

I am working on another thought for later, but just in case I don't get there... here's something really so very cool to watch while you're waiting! These are eagles in Victoria, about an hour south of here. I was trying to show you a recording of some action, but it only seems to embed the live feed. You gotta click here to see what I really wanted to show you: http://tinyurl.com/dada34

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalm 103:1-5 NIV

PS... Happy Birthday Mom! :)

Jen jots polkadots

Collecting November

Some homework...

A future review....

A perfekt post...

Momentum

I Love Lucy

update :)

All...

Skiing instructor...

Book review: Christmas at Harrington's

Merry Christmas!

Watch the fireworks...

Book review: The Grace of God

5 points...

Book review: City on Our Knees, TobyMac

It's a good thing he was wearing a red shirt.

We're rich!

Book Review: Outlive Your Life

a thought from my beach chair...

1401

An odd bird...

Surprises, basketball, and cheese fondue....

I wrote! It's a banner day!

I'm feelin' for Keelin...

38 and 364/365ths

It is a NEW day....

New Year's Resolutions...

2 things... :)

Have yourself a merry little Christmas... :)

Holiday Reruns....

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2008

What's missing from Christmas?

Book Review-- The Unfinished Gift, by Dan Walsh

Three is a magic number

Locks of dread...

ten kinds of weird.

Keelin's playing on my blog :)

Under the lights...

Costumes and compromises....

duh.

To be beautiful...

Our true value...

Happy Thanksgiving!

For the ones we love...

Like potato chips...

Have a quiet time....

You've been approved...

Powered by God

a feeling of "power" less ness...

Dr. Living Stone, I presume?

I need to write a speech title

Book review: Fearless

Happy Labour Day :)

Immunizations and national anthems...

Book review: The Aquariums of Pyongyang

*Under Construction*

'Tis the season to be jolly....

Book review: The furious longing of God, Brennan Manning

After all these years, still writing book reports.

Counting up some blessings....

Looking for my sense of humor...

Mr. Del and my dinner guests...

Campfire ban...

Indiana Jen and the Temple of Fruit... (sequel to Raiders...)

Back home and on the laptop... :)

relief!

i haven't written one since the sixth grade, but here's a poem.

God fireworks

A major threat...

Later alligator...

Skillet song turned VBS :)

Life in HD

07-08-09!

contradictions...

Father of "lights"

Camping lesson...

Camping...

Time to get silly! :)

School's (STILL) in session....

Under Construction