I'm feelin' for Keelin...

I'm sure I am in much more pain about it than she is.

Back in November, we all had our checkups at the dentist. Our dentist pulled me aside after Keelin's checkup and let me know that her teeth were decaying like crazy. She had multiple problems in all four corners of her mouth, and to correct them, it would be more successful if she were under sedation.

The thought took my breath away.

A couple weeks later, I got a phone call from the specialist he'd referred us to. They'd looked at her x-rays. She'd need root canals and crowns and cavity fillings and possibly an extraction.

WHAT?!!!

The dentist had said she had a few problems, but THIS?!! On a six year old? How is this EVEN possible?

They booked us in for the earliest date available. In MARCH! Four months away?! Anyways, we got a phone call back from them in early January, saying they'd added a new doctor, and they could see Keelin earlier. We booked one appointment for January 28 for one side of her mouth, and one more in February for the other.

My poor, poor baby...

I didn't want Keelin to worry. I didn't want her to be scared. So I never told her about it. Not any of it. Not until the night before, and even that night didn't tell her the whole extent of the ordeal that she'd have to go through. I wanted her to sleep at night. I agonized, I tossed and turned for her so that she didn't have to. For months.

Yesterday, I brought my sweet thing into the dentist for the first half. I stayed with her until the sedative took effect, and then made my place in the waiting room. I prayed, I paced, I did anything I could to just barely hold myself together. I was exhausted, spending the whole day trying not to cry in front of Keelin over what they had to do to her. I couldn't wait to go to bed and cry my eyes out.

I am sure I am in much more pain about it than she is.

And that's my point.

God has the whole measure of our lives spread out for us before Him. He can surely way in advance see the magnitude of all the events of our lives, and the trials and pains that He knows we'll have to endure. He knows what is upcoming, how much they'll hurt, and how hard they will be on us.

He loves us deeply. He doesn't want it to hurt. Like I'd do for Keelin, wanting it to be me instead of her in that dentist's chair, He'd want to take the pain for us instead. In fact, He did when He sent Jesus to die in our place on the cross. And I know if God's any kind of parent to His children, He takes our pain daily as well. I can't help but think He sits in the heavens agonizing over the pains we have and hurts more over the things than we ever know or we even feel. I think the way that I felt for Keelin, that it hurt me more than it did her, is the same way God feels our pain. He only allows it because He knows it's for our good. He tells us not to worry, to not fear, and I can't help feeling it's because He's done it all for us already.

For His eyes are upon the ways of a man, And He sees all his steps. Job 34:21