I need to write a speech title

I won (?!) my speech contest yesterday... so my big prize is that I have to do it again, only against all the winners of all the clubs in Nanaimo. Great. Yay. UGH.... Here's basically what I said:

I have to write a speech. You see, there's this speech contest, and I entered it. I have NO idea why I entered it. It's a humorous speech contest, and well, I'm just not funny. In any sort of way. (pacing) What could've made me think that I could write a funny speech? I mean, three weeks ago I gave my speech about me clearing blackberries with a machete. Four people smile at my impression of Indiana Jen, and all of a sudden I think I am Adam Sandler or something. What was I thinking? SO I have to be funny and have vocal variety, oh, and not just funny, but funnier than Nicola, AND not pull at my shirt all at the same time or say "um"... oh, what WAS I thinking....

Okay... writing my speech... what's funny??

Oh, I know, I could tell everyone about the time when my best friend and I walked to her house from school, up hill, in the snow... (okay, not really) and we get to her house and she can't find her keys... but she has to go to the bathroom, and the more she searches, the more she dances, and I imitate her, and she laughs, and well.... she didn't need her keys so much anymore.
No, that's not really funny. That's more like "you had to be there..."

hmmm.....

Okay, there's the time when we were having a big family dinner... My son is about three at the time, and not visible to me from across the table because he's sitting in a seat without a booster... My grandma is sitting next to him, and looks at the big mound of untouched green broccoli on his plate, why he's not visible to me from across the table, and she leans over and says to him, "you know, broccoli makes you taller." So he promptly grabs a tree and scarfs it down, which I am very surprised at because he's never touched anything green that didn't come out of his nose before. He takes another and another... and then he stands up, and I still can't see him over the table,he was the same height in the chair and off, and he asks... "am I taller yet?"

No, only a mother could laugh at that one...

How about embarrassing moments... those tend to be funny... like when I was eighteen and I went to a pretty fancy seafood cafe, you know one of those really cute trendy restaurants that are crowded and small with yummy food? I got my dinner delivered to me, and it was a busy night, so my plate of halibut was sort of thrown together. I was a bit miffed because my lemon wedge was sitting halfway in the tartar sauce (eew) ....well, when I went to squirt the lemon wedge, it shoots UP UP and AWAY in the air in slow motion... and across over to another table, where it hits another man sitting across the aisle, leaving a lemon shaped splotch of tartar sauce on the back of his neck, and then bounces on the floor. He didn't notice, but he then gets up and puts on his jacket and leaves... and I am laughing so hard I am glad I don't have to search for my keys.

How can I get out of this... appendicitis, appendicitis, c'mon appendicitis....

Hmmm... So, there I was-- Indiana Jen....